Going Down

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stranger1, Jun 10, 2008.

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  1. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been up most of the night. I finally fell asleep around 4:00. When I woke up I didn't feel so good. I guess some of the thoughts from last night snuck up on me. I am feeling really down this morning.
    I am tired of helping my brother. We have been working on his pole barn for about one year. We built it on the weekends. I just don't have it in me to go up there. I missed last weekend and I feel like I'm going miss this weekend.
    All I want to do is lay down and die. I can't even take my dog for his walks. It is like I have burned up all my energy. My thoughts are racing. I feel like my blood is boiling. Even thow my mind is racing I can't focus on one single thought. Typing this is helping me to slow down. I see my shrink next month, he told me my last meeting with him that he wants to change my meds. The geodon and cogentin are doing what they are suppose to do, it's the other meds that don't seem to be helping.
    I have been doing alot of posting for the last week. It dawned on me last night that I am talking to much. I have bottled up my thoughts all these years and since I joined the forum they all seem to be coming to the suface. I probably should shut up and give someone else a chance to speak. If I have overstepped on someone I am truly sorry!! I will back off.
    I think my thoughts are racing because I have to go out this morning to a couple different places to get copies of my medical records for my new Doctor. I keep putting it off. I am going to run out of time if I don't do it soon.
    Well again I am sorry if I overstepped my boundries. Good luck...:chopper:
     
  2. Angel_Dawn

    Angel_Dawn Well-Known Member

    Please don't stop posting hun. For those of us who find it difficult to write our feelings down, sometimes it helps to see someone else post. We all have bad days, some worse then others, I find it difficult to express my feelings, but when I see the posts of others at least I know I am not the only one. It is good to be able to relate and know there's someone who knows exactly what you are going through and if they can make it one more day then you say to yourself maybe I can too. Thank you for your posts, and I hope it helps you to write, because it helps to listen quietly from the background. You have no idea how many people are reading your posts every day and what an impact you may have, even if it's just one person. I hope you feel better soon, remember just stop and breathe, just for a moment, and know someone is thinking of you today.:hug:
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Thank You Angel Dawn. That was real nice of you. I just don't know what to say, my thoughts are all jumbled up. I can't seem to remember things. I don't know what that is all about.
    I am still here just sitting on the side lines reading instead of posting. :chopper:
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Feel free to let your thoughts and feelings out. It doesn't matter how much you post. There is plenty of room here for everyone. You have not stepped on anyones toes or overstepped any boundaries. As the thoughts come, let them out. Writing can be healing. We all know and understand that. Your lack of energy can be due to increasing depression. It is a viscious cycle. The more depressed we become, the less energy we have. The less we do, the greater the depression. If possible, make yourself take action. Walk your dogs, help your brother. Get yourself moving. You cannot recover if you allow it to take over.
     
  5. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    You really have got to walk your dog. Are there any woods out where you live, or some sites away from others? Give the little fellow a special treat and show him somewhere new and isolated. It'll help you get your thoughts together, too.
     
  6. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Just because I've posted only twice since joining this forum doesn't make me any better or worse than you. What better place to talk things through than through a support group like this?

    I am guessing that therapists or doctors have talked with you about self talk or mindfulness or whatever they call it. It sounds like this would be a good time to use those coping skills to rein in your thoughts.

    After you've done some of those coping skills, remember that talking/posting is just another skill you have at your disposal. There may be someone that thinks you talk too much, but 99% of us are willing to read what's going on.

    Jim
     
  7. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Beside all that, Strange, it wouldn't be much of a forum if no one posted.
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Trying to help others makes me feel good. If I ever get a handle on my illness I would like to become a social worker. It would help me to be around people. I don't know, I think it is a pipe dream because I am overwelmed by fear and feeling worthless.
    What I need is a job I can do from home. There are adds in the paper, but I was told alot of those advertisements are bogus. My neices husband is starting up a new buisness transcribing doctors thoughts each day to computer disc's. I don't know if I can do that. I'd say at least half the doctors around here are foreigners and they don't speak english to well.
    Thank you all for the support! I think it is because I have bottled up my emotions for the last fourteen years that they are all busting at the seams to get out. I will still post I will just back off some. I am up all different hours so i find I can try to put positive thoughts in different threads...:chopper:
     
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