Going down :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Getting.Worse, Jun 8, 2010.

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  1. Getting.Worse

    Getting.Worse Member

    Hey,

    So I have posted a few times on the forums, and lurked around. But right now I am starting to spiral down and losing my interest in living or doing anything. I just feel so alone, I have no interest in any of my friends, or interesting/pleasure in anything.

    Throughout the day my OCD interferes with my life, and prevents me from doing something in a simple and quick fashion. 3-8 hours of the day are spent with obsessions running through my mind. I feel non-human for the violent thoughts that the OCD have. It just makes me feel so fucking depressed to the point that it isn't worth living anymore.

    I have also thought of cutting myself again, it has been about 2 months since I last cut but the urges are coming back and I feel myself slipping back into my old self of cutting daily, etc.

    I am on medication but I don't see any change in my mood or anything. It is if I am taking no medication at all. Since it will probably be asked on I am on Prozac and Klonopin. My psych is trying to find new medication to help, but I just don't want to wait much longer. My therapist is trying to help me, but I don't feel that it is helping me at all. Just making me realize how fucked up I am and how I truly don't want to be here anymore. Just wishing for someone to please kill me. :(
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lucas,
    Welcome to the forums..You said your on prozac and klonopin, Have you talked to your doc about other meds..I was on prosac for a while then it quit helping.. I am now on effexor high dose.. Another med I am on thats for mood swings is lamitcal..It works pretty good.. I can tell the difference when I come up short at the end of the month..It keeps my mood stable..
    I hope to see you around here for a long time.. Plenty of support once you start posting more..Take Care!!
     
  3. Getting.Worse

    Getting.Worse Member

    Was on effexor for a while, didn't really help. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be normal :( Everyday is a struggle to keep going. I am so pathetic that I try and talk to my ex everyday just to remind myself of how I was once loved. But it always backfires on me. I have started self medicating again with drugs as well. I know how this is going to end .
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Have you told your therapist about how the therapy makes you feel? Maybe your therapist could take a different approach to your therapy.

    Have you tried working out? Trust me it helps with mood. Yes it sucks to have to force yourself to go. However, it could take your mind off this stuff.
     
  5. Getting.Worse

    Getting.Worse Member

    I don't really want to tell the therapist it isn't working. Because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

    I try to work out 3-5 times a week.
     
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