Going,going,gone?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Bubbles_UK, Jun 17, 2009.

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  1. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    :love:

    I am feeling the desire to leave again, I see no hope for now or the future.

    I am unwell, have been for 20+ years, it is uphil struggle.

    I met a young man 3 years ago who brought with him a ray of sunshine and feelings of love,excitement,friendship,company, he has been by my side everyday although not in person mmostly.

    Things are starting to grow dark, he is prepareing to leave my life to form hes own, I will be left alone again.

    My parents have never been there for me, I was put into childrens home and foster parents then bed and breakfast then my own bedsit and so forth ( still ill dureing all)

    My father was a heroin addict, My mother was selfish, careing for her boyfriends more than her only daughter.

    My stepfather when I was at *home* was a bully ad would mock my illness and tell me how useless I was.

    I am allways fatigued, most often am tired, I can not go out most places due to how I feel.

    M life is lived through my computer.

    I have anxiety and Phobias, I have Fistulas.

    I often think of suicide but have yet to get round to participating in this thought,often desire.

    Hopeless.
     
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Have you seen a doctor or therapist?
     
  3. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    yes, years ago, wasnt much help realy, they just offer drugs that turn you into a cabbage, im allready close to one of those,
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Maybe things have changed over the years and new things are available that may be able to help you. I am sorry your childhood was filled with abandonment and abuse. No child deserves that. Despite it, you survived. This tells me you are strong and a survivor. Do some research in medical advancements in the area of your illness. You may find a bit of hope there.
     
  5. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    I went to hospital today was suposed to have MRI scan to check on my Fistulas and bad stomach often after eating that are as a result of chrons desease that iv had sinse I was 8 years old,I layed under themachine and was told it would take 40 minutes, they strapped all this heavy stuff around my lower area dunno wat it was but it felt heavy, they put this heavy headset on my head and forced my legs bent over some contrapsion, I felt realy uncomfortable and trapped and closed in and out of control and unsafe, I just wanted to get out of the sittuation, my body started to shake so i asked to be let out, so that was that no MRI scan for me, I had one of these 6 years or so ago and I coped much better, my anxiety and state of mind has just gone to shit :( I*m a wreck, i came home went to bed at 4pm, so drained !!!!:cya:
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi
    I am very sorry you have been through so much in your life, both with your parents and physically.

    I do know there are new meds for depression that are available in recent years that do not have the cabbage effect. I can understand why you could not handle staying there doing the MRI. I too suffer with anxiety. I would have to work with a doctor to take something medicinally before having an MRI.

    Would it be possible to try to find a good psychiatrist who can work with you medicinally so that you can do the MRI comfortablly when you are ready to try again??. And to also get some medicinal support daily that will help support you without leaving you feeling like a cabbage?

    Would it maybe be worth a try??? The newer meds out there can really be pretty good. And to be honest with you, some days I would opt for feeling like a cabbage rather than what I feel like. Worth a try to reach out and see whats out there??? Glad you came here to talk. By the way, I am new here also.
     
  7. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    I go see my GP later this week to try get refered to see a phyciatric dctor or something. I can try again, might have trouble being refered I dont know, sometimes it hard.

    I been reading some other posts on this forum, so many people are unhappy now, and so many are going through some troubles.. I have friend who thinks we are all just indulging in self pity, so he not very supportive... I guess thers no problems greater than hes own..
     
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    :hug: Glad to hear that you are seeing your GP, see what help you can get from them, you never know what you'll get til you try.

    That doesn't sound like a very supportive friend. However, you will find plenty of support here so please keep posting so we can help you :)
     
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Well
    I am glad you have found people who know that you are not having a "pity party", as your friend says. This is real. But you are working to deal with it. There are different reasons people are not supportive. One of them is their need for denial. Whatever his reason may be, you can have people here as a support system. I have been here for less than a week. But already I can see that manyyyyy are supportive, kind and caring.

    I am glad that you are going to ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist. I know a young woman in the UK who had to insist that her doctor refer her. He was hesitant. But she knew she needed the help. And, with her strong conviction, she convinced him to refer.

    Sending very best to you.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Good luck with your doctors appointment. Let us know how it goes :hug:
     
  11. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    Thanks for the replys, Im realy worried that I might of lost my chance to check my health out with this MRI i Missed 9 appointmnts for it and when I finaly got there I screwed it up, I know these MRI Cost lots of money and I wasted there time, I just feel so useless and weak.

    will keep posting

    thx to all for replying.
     
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Bubbles, I am a champion at projecting what might happen. And of course its always not a very good outcome I am projecting. If they have any compassion at all they knew you did everything in your power to get through that MRI. This was not your fault. Nor was it something you could control. not your fault. I bet they know that. I hope you really do. :arms:
     
  13. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    went to GP got given *a phone number* some open door thing? , i had to call to book an appointment, so i called number and got answerphone,i left message with my number, no one retuned my call yet, how are people suposed to cope when this is all we are given to hang onto in our times of need?

    GP said i goto that place to be assesed they then refer me back to her or treat me?
     
  14. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    i've been in the 'system' for about 18 years. i have a low opinion of the majority of mental health professionals and feel a lot of them are just going through the motions as its their job. very few really care and also there is so many failings in services to mental health users. of course this is only my opinion and many others would disagree. all we are doing is putting off the inevitable, death. :poo:
     
  15. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Bubbles
    I am really sorry this is happening. really sorry. do you think you could keep calling until you get a human being? and let that person know you cannot wait. That this is serious and you just cant wait.

    And if after enough tries, if you are convinced they do not answer their phone, would it be possible for you to leave a message to that effect? that this is very serious and you need help now Maybe they are set up to take the people who let them know they are in really serious condition and they just get back to the others when they have the time.

    If you still get no results after a couple of days, can you call your GP again and ask if there is any way they can expediate the process? :console:
     
  16. Bubbles_UK

    Bubbles_UK Member

    yes, they called me back, turns out they are some voluntary service, nothing to do with my GP they give counciling only, I done years of talking and it did not help, I need medication to help me ! I take nitrazepam at night, that is the only time I feel calm and relaxed, but cant use in day as it is a sleeping pill, what would help is a pill with same affect as nitrazepam but without making you want to sleep..... anyway I going back to my GP this week ( if it not too hot) to ask I see someone who can assess me with view to medicate.


    I have this chrons disease with side effects of having it ( fistulas, chronic septsus) so im allways feeling discomfort and have no energy, so everytime iv talked to doctors they blame my illness and my crappy childhood and abusive boyfriend i was with years ago ( he tried to murder me )


    so medication i hope to get , not stuff that makes me zombie though, just calm, any of you know of anything? do any of you get help with some medication, if so what do you use?

    will keep posting.
     
  17. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    My friend has chrons disease (or however you spell it) Its not pleasant. I'm sorry that you are suffering from this :( I hope that, in going to the GP you'll manage to get some positive help and support to get you through this. Let us know how it goes.
     
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