Message says it all..im done with this joke of a life. DONE with it. Unless some miracle happens im going to go home to be with my sister (died in 1980) dad (died in 2006) and grandad (died in 2009). Ive freaking tried and TRIED to heal, wasnt bad enough ive got MS, degenerative spine disc and joint disease, 4 blown lumbar discs, osteo arthritis, type II diabetes, and probable endometrial cancer. now i have a leg fracture and nerve injury from a car accident that further disabled me. I was a passenger in a head on collision. Was already severely disabled but Could walk, take care of myself etc now i am in a walker and wheel chair and have to depend on family to do my laundry, fix meals, empty my bedside commode and take care of me. some of my relatives delight in rubbing it in my face how they do everything for me while i sit on my ass. Did i mention i want to stop breathing? I sought counseling because the added disabilities have made me severely suicidal. All i do is sit in a miserably hot, tiny room by myself with tv or net for company except at meal time or when i go to the Dr or store. No local friends and all net friends have abandoned me unless they need something. Got diagnosed with two weeks ago with PTSD, severe social phobia/anxiety, severe generalized anxiety disorder and severe major depressive disorder. I can NOT deal with this..its too much. To be at others mercy like this is WORSE than death. I crave being gone from this life more than family or counselor knows. Theres no point to my life now at all. Family would probably be happy to get rid of the burden (ME). Need and want to be with my sister, dad and grandad. Soon i will be too, unless things magically change. If not im going home when they remaining family least suspect it. Thats where i belong. On the other side. Breathing hurts too much. If theres no miracle or revelation that comes along soon ill see them, my departed loved ones. Maybe i wont be a burden to them at least.