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Going home

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Azathoth, Aug 15, 2007.

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  1. Azathoth

    Azathoth Member

    Enough. The gyre is widening and I've fought for so long. There is no more hope. I look to the darkness now, for life has been too long and held too little joy. I don't fear death any more; it's life I fear.

    I found out yesterday that my heart (left ventricle) has enlarged. I don't have high blood pressure, but I am diabetic. My body is self-destructing; let it, if that's what it wants. I can't fight any more.

    I also found out that my dog may have cancer. I've lost so many people that I love over the past couple of years. I can't take any more. At least when I die, I'll be those who have gone before.

    From Ursula LeGuin:

    Only in silence, the word
    Only in darkenss, light
    Only in dying, life
    Bright the hawk's flight on the empty sky

    And also:

    Heal the wound and cure the illness, but let the dying spirit go.

    Time to go home.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I am sorry to hear you are hurting so much. I know things seem hopeless for you right now. You say there is no hope, but there is always hope. You have to find it sometimes and that hope may not be very strong, just a glimmer or a speck in the darkness. Continue to search for that hope. Let others help you find it if you can't do it alone. Perhaps we can help you here, one never knows. The important thing is not to give up. :hug:
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