My life is a tiny little circle. I go from activity to activity to try to find some relief, some way out. From one substance to another. But it's just a spiral. I'm not facing my problems. I guess I stopped believing in a happy ending... and instead of just gritting my teeth and dealing with an unhappy ending (that's at least an ending) I just delay and avoid. Delay and avoid. Letting friends and family slip away. Yeah, I wanted to be dead, sometimes I still do. But I would settle with being invisible. Maybe that's an improvement.