Going insane

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by scdenny, May 25, 2015.

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  1. scdenny

    scdenny New Member

    I have been suffering from depression for all of my adult life and a good portion of my youth. At 33, every anti-depressant I've tried the side effects overwhelm the benefits, and at this point therapy is just as ineffective. I'm going insane because I can't make things right, I can't figure out the right things to say to make people I care about understand how bad it is inside my own head, and every-time I think about the times I try, I'm disgusted with how pathetic I must be coming off. I look back at my life and all I can see is how much of a steaming pile of failures I've turned out to be. I can't stop worrying, about what other people are thinking, about if what I said bother or offended someone, no matter how much I want to.
    I know it affects my relationships, my quality of life, everything, negatively and I do my best to fight it, but it clearly runs the ship. I'm seriously starting to plan punching my own ticket because I feel like I'm a nothing but a donkey and the good things in life seem like a carrot dangled in front of me. As soon as I start to move forward the carrot is yanked away, and I'm just so tired of it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    People are not thinking about you ok they are thinking about what is going on in their own lives it is just the depression making you think they are judging you. Have you tried the different therapies out there or the new treatments for hard to treat depression As you write down your thoughts here new treatments are being made so there is still hope for us who push through each day there is
  3. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    The carrot analogy is certainly apt. But I urge you to continue to push on. Even if you are depressed 99% of the time,you will still have brief moments where you find momentary reprieve and some small happiness, however fleeting it may be. And those moments are worth fighting for. Is it fair that you have to struggle for those brief moments? Absolutely not. But each human life is brief, when you consider the vast expanse of time, and someday everyone will die, so you might as well focus on the fact that you are fortunate to be alive and have the opportunity to explore life, regardless of suffering. It doesn't matter how many failures you have had in the past-life can improve. It is impossible to predict the future, so you owe it to yourself and those who care about you to keep trying :) and clearly people do care. Why else would I take the time to write this? Because you matter :)
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