I have been suffering from depression for all of my adult life and a good portion of my youth. At 33, every anti-depressant I've tried the side effects overwhelm the benefits, and at this point therapy is just as ineffective. I'm going insane because I can't make things right, I can't figure out the right things to say to make people I care about understand how bad it is inside my own head, and every-time I think about the times I try, I'm disgusted with how pathetic I must be coming off. I look back at my life and all I can see is how much of a steaming pile of failures I've turned out to be. I can't stop worrying, about what other people are thinking, about if what I said bother or offended someone, no matter how much I want to. I know it affects my relationships, my quality of life, everything, negatively and I do my best to fight it, but it clearly runs the ship. I'm seriously starting to plan punching my own ticket because I feel like I'm a nothing but a donkey and the good things in life seem like a carrot dangled in front of me. As soon as I start to move forward the carrot is yanked away, and I'm just so tired of it.