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Going insane...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by expressive_child, Jul 6, 2007.

  1. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    All of a sudden, I keep writing about the way I am feeling about this world and my life. Feels so empty right now, like I should just go get a gun now and shoot myself. I can't it hard to be alone sometimes, I talk to myself so often just to keep myself companied. If I force myself to linger in the silence, I sure won't live. This life is really too much to take, I can't stand the migraines. I feel like I can't fight any longer, all of a sudden thoughts like that hit me like bomb and I can only wish it will be gone soon enough.

    Sometimes I wonder why can't this pain just leave me alone, and just let me feel lonely so I won't have to suffer this way. Being 23, I feel like I am too old now. Maybe not. I feel like I am just beginning to grow up and that I didn't learn anything in the past. Guess thats why everything feels so difficult. Learning a simple thing could be so hard for me at times. I hate myself so much for what I am now. Maybe I don't deserve love? I don't know but from the way life seems, love is something I can only crave for. No one could see how I crave to have a happy family.

    Everytime I think about happy families out there, it hurts me so deep like my heart is bleeding or something. I know its impossible to turn back time and talking about it won't change a thing but then again, I just can't stop thinking how good life would've been if its not for this and that and all the shit that has happened. Sometimes its like a sin to fight against yourself and if you don’t fight it, it means you lost. There is no way to get out of it because it live and grow inside. The people I love are either gone or went somewhere and we hardly have the chance to meet no more.

    Gosh…I really want to stop myself from thinking about how miserable life is. :sad:
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i have not left you..

    i am here..