Going it alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Striking, May 30, 2016.

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  1. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Have you lost your T suddenly and decided to just go it alone? I'm in this situation again. The first time did not go very well..

    What did you do before you adjusted to not talking to a T?

    It has been three weeks and this is about how long I go between sessions before the pressure to talk has reached a high level of need.
  2. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Hi Striking, have you talked to that therapist since? Sometimes things migbt be a result of a miscommunication and the therapist might like to resolve it. It might just be the wrong fit though, if you'd like to find another one I suggest calling several and talking on the phone to see what feels right and who might be likely to help you.

    If you decide to go it alone, I find writing helps, just getting thoughts out of my head, or going to a peer support group or talking to friends. I deal with depression and anxiety and find that medication helps a lot. I've done a couple years of therapy a couple of years ago, and am considering doing talk therapy again.
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Hi. Thank you for your insight, suggestions and support.

    She is gone on to other things.

    A therapist I saw during crisis evaluation intimated that I needed someone with a strong personality who would challenge my every word and not allow my "charm" to influence them. She was the worst therapist I have ever known because she beat me to every punch. She called herself the wall breaker. She's who I need to see, I know it in my heart but...I do not want to ask and find out I am unable to do so.

    I'm on the fence right now, looking but not certain I want to find such a therapist. Not even certain i want to open up again and let those light sleeping dogs lie.

    I've done writing, it does help. Because of changes to the nonprofit i have gone to my support group is on hiatus. I don't think I will go back. It's a long story, and I cannot share publicly.

    If you are considering then I say do it. Sometimes a refresher is necessary to maintain your recovery.
    Jenumbra likes this.
  4. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Striking, I have not seen a therapist in over 12 years. She was the only one that really helped, she provided me with tools to manage the feelings and they have stuck with me even though it does not seem like it.
    I don't know if I will go to therapy again myself or see how the Prozac pans out. I know what the situation is with me as it is the same as before, I just have to use the tools I have been given.
    You will find what is needed also.
  5. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Mpk at what point did you accept the lessons as the path to recovery? Was there an aha moment or moments that made you commit? Is it something shareable or personal?

    I still struggle with this though I am much different than I was. I can thank the therapists and support groups that have been a part of my life for that, myself too of course.

    Very often people tell me I am liked. And only doubt and pain emerges in response. How can they? They don't know. But they see what I can be if I were to let my fear go (I just admitted this to myself). But it is so hard when it is so comforting to return to old behaviors. So I question if it can be done alone.

    There is a wreckage of lessons, attempts, failures and missteps behind me. Have I learned enough, am I confident enough, am I willing enough, am I strong enough? This is why a T may still be needed as a coach to challenge and a cheerleader to acknowledge success and failures alike.

  6. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Currently, I am in a situation where I have five session left for the year so I am down to one every six weeks or so. I wish I could say that it is not bad and I can pull all my newly learned coping skills out and handle things with no problem, but I cannot.

    I am sure you can though, if you want to. You seem very strong and sure of yourself. You might have a few moments of "OMG, what do I do, I need to TELL someone this" but you can make it through, I have no doubts.

    I understand about needing to find the right therapist -- it is hard to find the fit, even when you are in the middle of it with someone, you can second guess whether or not she/he is the 'right' one. I have intense fears that my psychologist will be quitting or moving.....not sure I have the strength or desire to find anyone else.
  7. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Striking, I think the aha moment for me was when I decided I did not want to go on feeling the way I did at the time. I think it was 1992 when I went through my first job loss and divorce. I think what I learned for the times I spent with the therapist have helped with this 2nd job loss, at this time I hope that I don't lose my 2nd marriage.
    I went to therapy once a week, sometimes twice for a long time, almost 9 years. My therapist advised me I took things to seriously which I do and that I worried to much about stuff that may or may not happen.
    I did have to take medication for sometime during the first round with major depression, I am on medication now for the 2nd round which has kind of left me ambivalent towards most things.
    I still have some of the old behaviors associated with the illness yet have tried to change those by doing using the coping methods that I supposedly still there which has helped.
    Whether I will have to go back to therapy or not remains to be seen yet at this time I am trying to minimize costs as I have no medical insurance and most sliding scales I have found are still quite expensive when you are trying to keep a roof over your head.
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  8. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Striking, if you feel comfortable sharing, what would you like to accomplish in therapy? It sounds like you think it'll be helpful to you but are apprehensive about it. It's definitely hard work and can be very painful, but it's absolutely worth it to resolve some issues and adopt healthier ways of thinking and acting.

    If you won't be able to see that therapist she could probably refer you to other good therapists. I found my therapist to be very proactive, he practiced ISTDP Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy which deals with removing defenses which are used to avoid dealing with emotions. Much more info here.

    Learning about CBT and cognitive distortions has been extremely useful as well to combat negative self talk. "Feeling Good" by David Burns is a great book on that. Taught me to recognize my accomplishments instead of dismissing them and that self esteem doesn't really matter.

    Thanks also for the encouragement, hope you find what you need.
  9. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Seeing a therapist every two to three weeks was where support group came in to help me stay stable. But it didn't allow me to explore what I was working on with the T.

    I suggest finding any type of support to get you through those tough weeks so that your struggles do not snowball on you. I continued to go to an ACT group just for the connection.

    Thank you for your faith. I have had good therapists, read books and articles, been supported and provided support, and it has taken a few years to get where I am at.

    I know the type of therapist i need now, which is entirely different from what was needed back when.

    Without a challenging figure I will revert to old habits of hopelessness, worthlessness and defensive detachment.
  10. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I live in Colorado. There are some community based organizations which are affordable. Have you tried those?

    I have needed weekly therapy for awhile now but it won't happen unless I go through my insurance. Even then it has been a struggle to find someone who can see me that often..
  11. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I will look into ISTDP thank you.

    I would like to achieve a level of vulnerability so that I am capable of living without the fear that hides behind a persona of detachment.
    Jenumbra likes this.
  12. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Striking, I live in Colorado also yet have been having some trouble finding therapy that I can afford as right now I am unemployed and trying to keep the roof over my head.
    I continue to try and use the tools that I have been taught. I really don't know what the answer is other to than to hang on.
  13. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I know you can find help in Aurora, Denver and Boulder areas. I know they offer sliding scale sessions that can be as low as zero. Call Colorado crisis services at 844 493 8255.
  14. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Striking, thanks for the #. I will try it.
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