Well I don't think I was ever hit with actual bullying till year 5 of Primary School. From when I started Kindergarten till Year 7 I always had one or two friends who I spent my whole time is. No one else talked to me but I was always close to those people. Then the next year it would be one or two new people and so on. In year 5 I remember a bunch of girls used to make fun of me because I was basically the biggest kind of nerd according to them and it really affected me. Then I remember I became scared of going to school because, even though I enjoyed doing work and seeing a few people, I felt like I was slipping away basically. Since the people that bullied me where a year older, by year 6 they had left and I think it was the combination with year 6 and high school that basically made me who I am. I became suddenly popular in year 6 and even though all my friends where girls I don't think I even cared since I was always the boy who played with girls. I became friends with most people in my year level at primary school. When I left there I lost all my friends from there and I went from a small school with like 30 children in each year level to my school now which has 1500 students from year 7 to 12. I went from a somebody to a dot. I remember on the first week of school I was badly verbally bullied on and picked on. Again I was the nerd and now gay and I really hated it. I remember once I was surrounded by these guys and they all chanted and called me gay and I remember bawling every night of the first term in year 7. One day I lied and said I had a girlfriend hoping they would shut them up and I was just digging a grave for myself so I went into denial and told everyone that I never said it. It took them till half way till year 8 to stop asking me where my girlfriend is. I lyed about ther things but not as big as that which made people say hurtful things. I actually am gay now secretly and I sometimes wonder if maybe they told me I was so much that I became one which might sound strange but I think that I questioned what I thought because they dug their words in my skull. At the moment all my school friends call me gay as an insult daily and I can usually block it out. My school friends don't think being mean always, but morem, they are insensitive. Over 3 years I've finally become the kid no one talks to and they all ignore me. It's actually not to bad now but I still have a few people who continuouly say cruel things. It's really hard to cope on my own in the big, scary world. I'm now in year 9 and although I'm coping better than I did a few monthes ago I just feel dead inside. I don't know how to get better. Help?