Going on for far too long...

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by loveless, Jul 26, 2007.

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  1. loveless

    loveless Member

    Well I don't think I was ever hit with actual bullying till year 5 of Primary School. From when I started Kindergarten till Year 7 I always had one or two friends who I spent my whole time is. No one else talked to me but I was always close to those people. Then the next year it would be one or two new people and so on. In year 5 I remember a bunch of girls used to make fun of me because I was basically the biggest kind of nerd according to them and it really affected me. Then I remember I became scared of going to school because, even though I enjoyed doing work and seeing a few people, I felt like I was slipping away basically. Since the people that bullied me where a year older, by year 6 they had left and I think it was the combination with year 6 and high school that basically made me who I am. I became suddenly popular in year 6 and even though all my friends where girls I don't think I even cared since I was always the boy who played with girls. I became friends with most people in my year level at primary school.

    When I left there I lost all my friends from there and I went from a small school with like 30 children in each year level to my school now which has 1500 students from year 7 to 12. I went from a somebody to a dot. I remember on the first week of school I was badly verbally bullied on and picked on. Again I was the nerd and now gay and I really hated it. I remember once I was surrounded by these guys and they all chanted and called me gay and I remember bawling every night of the first term in year 7. One day I lied and said I had a girlfriend hoping they would shut them up and I was just digging a grave for myself so I went into denial and told everyone that I never said it. It took them till half way till year 8 to stop asking me where my girlfriend is. I lyed about ther things but not as big as that which made people say hurtful things.

    I actually am gay now secretly and I sometimes wonder if maybe they told me I was so much that I became one which might sound strange but I think that I questioned what I thought because they dug their words in my skull.

    At the moment all my school friends call me gay as an insult daily and I can usually block it out. My school friends don't think being mean always, but morem, they are insensitive. Over 3 years I've finally become the kid no one talks to and they all ignore me. It's actually not to bad now but I still have a few people who continuouly say cruel things. It's really hard to cope on my own in the big, scary world.

    I'm now in year 9 and although I'm coping better than I did a few monthes ago I just feel dead inside. I don't know how to get better. Help?
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, welcome to SF. I'm sorry for the stuff you have had to go through throughout your school life, I can understand how it can make you feel dead inside but please try to remind yourself that you have done nothing wrong, and it's the people who keep tormenting you who are immature and are not worth your time.

    It is pretty insensitive for your friends to taunt you about your sexuality on a daily basis, its good you block it out and hopefully when they realise it's not bothering you they will get bored of it and stop but have you tried having a quiet word with them to let them know it insults you and you'd appreciate it if they held their tongue and didn't say anything like that?

    Also, have you considered telling a teacher or a parent about the bullying? It's best to speak out and not deal with this alone. I understand it can be a scary experience speaking up but believe me, many bullies don't like authority and if you speak out that can be the first step to all this being put to an end. You'll also probably feel better that someone else outside of it all knows.

    I'm glad things are better for you at the moment, but please do consider telling a parent or a teacher about the bullies who are still being mean to you.

    Yes the world can be a scary place, but not everyone are immature idiots who make it their mission to make someone's life suffer. There are some good people, who will accept you for the person you are. Hopefully as time goes on the bullies will mature, that can happen, but please do consider telling someone.

    Take care of yourself and if you ever need to talk you're welcome to PM me or post here. :hug:
     
  3. loveless

    loveless Member

    You're really sweet :). Thanks. Umm. Funnily enough I broke down into tears in class today and the teacher has sent me to councilling to help cope with 'stress' as I put it.

    My friends are my friends though. I can put up with them for a few more years hopefully. Certainly better people than most of the other people at my school.

    haha. you know what you said is one of the sweetest things someone has ever said to me. hehe ahh blushing. ahhhh. Thanks again.
     
  4. Raeien

    Raeien Member

    Dont worry, calling eachother gay will eventualy go over when you grow older. i know how u feel, even tho i like girls. when people are at young age they think that being gay is bad, and you are worth less because ur different from them. in about a year or two it will go over. people are more mature then
     
  5. tesseract

    tesseract Well-Known Member

    the funny thing is, only kids use the term gay, as an insult.

    I mean, its like, ooh, youve got brown hair.. It's not like you choose to be gay.

    Edit: just noticed Raeien's post.. He said it..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2008
  6. Destroyer

    Destroyer Guest

    Destroy them in your mind. I have been in your situation for as long as I can remember. I am in year 12 and I keep myself going by imagining life beyond school walls.

    If that fails, skipping classes is often an option but never a good option. Find somewhere quiet and escape from everything. Get some loud music on and think about whatever makes you happy and then get back to that shit.

    Keep in there buddy, i've read your post and you seem like a cool bloke =],
    Haggis
     
  7. Destroyer

    Destroyer Guest

    Destroy them in your mind. I have been in your situation for as long as I can remember. I am in year 12 and I keep myself going by imagining life beyond school walls.

    If that fails, skipping classes is often an option but never a good option. Find somewhere quiet and escape from everything. Get some loud music on and think about whatever makes you happy and then get back to that shit.

    Keep in there buddy, i've read your post and you seem like a cool bloke =],
    Haggis
     
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Heh, what if all those people who have hurt and abused you were to be put in the exact same situation you are in and endure what you have gone through. I think it's safe to say alot of them would be broken down completely.

    You've proven that your light years ahead of them.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    try to be strong hun, dont let them win :hug:
     
  10. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    i'm sorry for what u been through hun, no one should be treated like that :hug: i know what its like to get bully, if u wanna tlk hun i'm here for you :hug:
     
  11. Light_In_The_Dark

    Light_In_The_Dark Well-Known Member

    :hug: School sucks! This is the price of evolving and technological research, forced learning, no freedom...
     
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