I don't want to go on. I can't see any light in the future. I have lost everything through no fault of my own: husband died of cancer, I'm on disability so no job or career, I lost all the money I had from crooks at Oppenheimer and the only person I have dated since my husband died broke it off in August, started up again in November, broke it off again in January all because he couldn't handle being in a relationship and guess what ~~ he is now in a relationship! And the most pathetic part, I still love him. No one in my life has hurt me more emotionally than he did/has, my heart and soul are literally crushed, my self esteem is all but gone and still, I miss him, love him and think of him all the time and he is with someone else. It has just been a horrible 3 years and I see absolutely nothing to live for. I'm not living I'm barely existing. I try to find joy and try to be positive but it has gotten so hard with nothing to look forward to. I'm on anti-depressants but apparently they aren't working well enough. I just want a way out, why continue to live in this much pain and misery? Do I have the guts? I don't know. Sad One.