Going public

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by metamorphosis17, Jan 5, 2012.

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  1. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    So, I thought it would be helpful to me to be completely open and honest about my SI, praying that it would discourage me from doing it again. I hoped I could say it was in the past and that I was trying my best not to do it anymore. It seems this backfires often.
    I didn't mind or care if people thought I was attention-seeking, as even if I was, maybe it's a good thing after hiding everything from the world for a near decade. HUH? Maybe it's not so bad that I would actually want to talk about it after all this time.
    But, I feel like I'm constantly being invalidated and treated as "less" somehow, in this particular corner of the world I revealed myself.
    I feel like it was stupid, I shouldn't have trusted these people...and yet, I despise feeling so sheepish and ashamed now, because it was my goal to be able to look anyone in the eye and tell them why I had scars on my arms.

    But, I feel suddenly weak and vulnerable. I hate the fact that it makes me feel vulnerable to have someone know about my SI. And feeling vulnerable is often something that triggers me to cut again. So, what the fuck?! Catch-22.

    I don't know if I can get over it as long as I'm ashamed of it, but trying to combat that shame is a sure-fire way to make me want to SI again.

    I envy people, especially celebrities, who can just be so candid about it. Just to be able to live as yourself, not have anything like that to hide from others. I'm sick of feeling like I have this deep, dark secret to hide from the whole world if I ever want to be a part of it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    They are noone to judge you hun YOu do n't give them that power okay You stand up tall and you look them in the eyes because you are just as important as they are. It took strength to do what you did hun and now if they want to judge then that shows what kind of character they have NOt people you want to worry abt hugs
  3. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    It is good for you to express your feelings. It is good to vent out our emotions. But be strong and do not attempt suicide again. Just come to this forum and vent out your emotions.
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Perhaps time will help lower the stigma?
  5. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    I'd highly encourage you to tell someone. I myself told my buddy two big revelations at once, first that I'm bisexual and the second that I used to be a cutter. He didn't reject me or anything but was concerned and said he'd be there if we ever needed to talk. I think being able to talk about something so secretive and bring it out in the open has helped our friendship and made us closer as friends. I also feel that if I were to attempt to cut again I would be thinking of my friend and I wouldn't want to let him down. Talking about this has made me feel better and I think your friends will be fine if you let this out. I also think that you will feel better yourself knowing that you can be more open about your problems.
  6. Fredericks

    Fredericks Well-Known Member

    There's a danger to being open, though: some people will look at you differently. They might shun you, not know how to react, or treat you like you're made of glass. Things got so awkward between me and the people I came out to that I just dropped it.
  7. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    I'm getting to a point where I don't like people or care if they shun me. I feel I am already shunned for other reasons; the way I interact or fail to interact, my apparent eccentricities and flagrant lack of emotional stability. I do not show my skin, but it can be seen on my face.
    I don't feel like I have anything to lose. All my friendships are fake as hell, anyway.
    What I'd really like to do is punch them all in the nose, but I figure not caring anything about what they think is the next best thing.

    They will look at me differently - I look at them like they're all aliens, anyway. Yes, I feel hostility toward the human race.

    Thanks for all your responses, guys. Despite my sporadic misanthropy, I do appreciate people that aren't trying to make me feel like a rat or a guinea pig.
  8. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I won't look at you the wrong way - because I have friends who suffer from similar issues... People looking down at them - making them feel like crap. I can't stand people who look down at me... But of course I look the other direction because I don't really care anymore. However, I find it people who are caring and tend to support me. At least your care that people are supporting you.

    I'll support you emotionally *hug I find it hard sometimes when people just stare at me. I may not go through self-harm but I definitely felt like doing it...

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