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Going suicidal to non suicidal

#1
How does one go from being suicidal to non suicidal? Sounds like a silly question but it is especially for any of you who may have attempted and have thankfully survived. What made the difference? I am amazed by all the people on here who indicate having had depression and/or anxiety for decades. What finally made you stop being suicidal?
Thanks....
 
#2
I've never attempted but have been suicidal multiple times in my life and at one point seriously planned it for months. I guess most times the feelings just naturally lessened as time went on, not for any particular reason, it just kinda phased out. I'd still be depressed but the intensity lessened gradually. Other than that it would be cause something gave me hope or cheered me up (for example, at one point my baby brother was born, and the joy of spending time with him eased my depression and therefore suicidal feelings too). Another time it was as simple as just being taken on holiday, just being somewhere totally different away from home, relaxing and seeing lovely scenery took my depression and suicidal thoughts away because I could see how beautiful the world is and it made me feel hopeful and like I wanted to stay.... soon as I got home I was depressed again
 

Walker

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#3
The answers here will be as diverse as the people who reply right?
But I do know that for some people, suicidal ideation becomes a part of who they are and what helps them is accepting that the thoughts aren't going to go away but rather dealing with them when they arrive. They have made a decision not to kill themselves so that's off the table so then it becomes "what cam I do, right now, in this moment, to make these thoughts abate?"
There are just some people for whom the thoughts dont go away. Sometimes that is because the depression is too severe or perhaps the thoughts are provoked by obsessive thinking. It just depends and varies by the person. But they choose to live and that's the difference.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#4
I'm with Walker on this one. It's not that the thoughts aren't there - it's that I've chosen not to act on them, for now. I give myself a time - an event - that I have to reach (not too far in the future). I have to wait until then because x, y and z - and then, it'll be ok to go ahead. It gives me something to focus on - not exactly look forward to - but a goal and I still have the hope that I will go through with it - at the proper time. I just have to wait and be patient. Just a little longer.

Sometimes, when the thoughts aren't serious but won't go away, I'll practice. For some reason just doing that, helps. Not sure why. Maybe it's because I've shown myself that I can, in theory?

And no, I haven't made an actual serious attempt. Just practices. So I'm not sure if you'd consider me to be truly suicidal. Sometimes I'm not sure if *I* consider me to be truly suicidal.

Not sure if that's what you wanted to know.
 

Lara_C

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#5
I think it is about gradually lessening the intensity and frequency of the negative thoughts. Meds and distracting your mind by giving your attention to something else can help, but you can also try making a habit of just watching the unwanted thoughts come and go instead of grabbing hold of them and letting them drag you away. If you keep doing this you will find that you are the silent unchanging witness of the thoughts who remains unaffected by them and then they will no longer have power over you.

Think of yourself as standing on the pavement watching the cars ( the thoughts) go by, and don't grab on to their bumpers letting them drag you away. Stay on the pavement. Gradually you will develop skill to just be the detached witness and then the thoughts themselves will fade and disappear. In this connection, it helps to watch the place from where the thoughts arise from and disappear into as well as the thoughts. This is the peace giving space of just being the unaffected witness.

It takes commitment and practice because you are reversing an ingrained habitual negative tendency, but you gain greater power over your own mind. Some people are so skilled at this they can stop unwanted thoughts the instant they surface until they are completely extinguished.

It's attachment to a past which no longer exists which is the cause of the dysfuntional thoughts, but in my own experience, the above practice helps a lot to let go. Everything we experience is temporary, everything changes, and holding on to the past which is no longer is not really living. To live in the here and now, in freedom, fully open to new experiences in the present, we have to let go the past.
 
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Butterfly

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#6
I have had suicidal ideation since I was a teenager. But there is a difference between suicidal ideation and being actively suicidal. With suicidal ideation I can let it pass if I choose to, or I can fixate on it and let it consume me.

I had been actively suicidal for 2 years, making various attempts on my life, 2 that nearly succeeded and 1 that landed me in ICU. I wanted to die. I didn't want to be here anymore. My intent was one thing and one thing only and that was ending my life, constantly planning my death and acting on my plans.

I'm now not suicidal anymore. Occasionally I will have fleeting suicidal thoughts, but I choose to let them pass because I am not in that place anymore.

How did I do this? Well I'm still relatively early on in my recovery. I spent almost a year in hospital in total, I am on a very potent cocktail of meds, I had to give up my job and go onto benefits. I started with a clean slate to build up my life again. I have quite intensive support from my mental health team. I had to make drastic life changes. It's been far from easy but now I am back in work and enjoying my life. You have to work damn hard to fix your mental health as there's only so much pills and your mental health team can do, the rest is up to you.
 
#7
I think it is about gradually lessening the intensity and frequency of the negative thoughts. Meds and distracting your mind by giving your attention to something else can help, but you can also try making a habit of just watching the unwanted thoughts come and go instead of grabbing hold of them and letting them drag you away. If you keep doing this you will find that you are the silent unchanging witness of the thoughts who remains unaffected by them and then they will no longer have power over you.

Think of yourself as standing on the pavement watching the cars ( the thoughts) go by, and don't grab on to their bumpers letting them drag you away. Stay on the pavement. Gradually you will develop skill to just be the detached witness and then the thoughts themselves will fade and disappear. In this connection, it helps to watch the place from where the thoughts arise from and disappear into as well as the thoughts. This is the peace giving space of just being the unaffected witness.

It takes commitment and practice because you are reversing an ingrained habitual negative tendency, but you gain greater power over your own mind. Some people are so skilled at this they can stop unwanted thoughts the instant they surface until they are completely extinguished.

It's attachment to a past which no longer exists which is the cause of the dysfuntional thoughts, but in my own experience, the above practice helps a lot to let go. Everything we experience is temporary, everything changes, and holding on to the past which is no longer is not really living. To live in the here and now, in freedom, fully open to new experiences in the present, we have to let go the past.
What a brilliant reply...I am going to try this. Seeing the thoughts kind of float on by. I know I need better meds also but in the meantime I will try this approach. Thank you,
 

Lara_C

Forum Pro
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#8
I hope it helps @Hatingmyselfdaily . I always try to remind myself that everything is impermanent, including our thoughts. Everything comes then goes. The only thing which remains present through ever changing experience is our witness self. Try to just be aware of that, letting your thoughts come and go.
 
#9
I hope it helps @Hatingmyselfdaily . I always try to remind myself that everything is impermanent, including our thoughts. Everything comes then goes. The only thing which remains present through ever changing experience is our witness self. Try to just be aware of that, letting your thoughts come and go.
Thanks Lara....you are very kind. One of my biggest hurdles is also self forgiveness...as a result of what happened to me, I hurt someone else, not physically but nonetheless hurt them. How would I incorporate this practice?
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#10
How does one go from being suicidal to non suicidal? Sounds like a silly question but it is especially for any of you who may have attempted and have thankfully survived. What made the difference? I am amazed by all the people on here who indicate having had depression and/or anxiety for decades. What finally made you stop being suicidal?
Thanks....
well honestly i don't feel suicidal at all times now, there are just on and off but non-suicidal hmm, let me put it this way. when i was suicidal and really really really depressed i didn't do a lot of stuff i was supposed to like focusing on school work and making friends and other things of that sort. now i guess after being in quarantine and finishing my last months of senior in distance learning ( i graduated in june) i started to realize everything i have done when depressed is like pointless. like you know, at the point in time where it's almost like spring cleaning. I threw away all the things i kept all these years saying i might need it later or giving something useless value. like these old Halloween make up i liked but kept even though it wasn't being used. so ya that letting things i didn't need go gradually as well as the useless things that were dragging me down. i used to be in to mmorpgs i slowly stopped, and stopped being obsessed with discord. i got more sleep so i started to think more rationally but i guess the most part that changed me was my 'jacket/hoodie' i used to wear one all year round the same one as for someone reason it became my emotional comfort and cloak of armor it also made my body temperature irregular so when i started to let go of it bit by bit wear things I was still comfortable with bit not covering it up.it felt like i was slowly coming out of this dark cave. as i mentioned irregular body temperature,it was also due to me talking hot showers in highest setting every day no matter how cold out or hot out, due to aquaphobia. when i took a cold shower or a cold bath i had this dreadful pit in my stomach like something else was in the water about to crawl out it was a weird kind of numbness. it slowly went got a bit better with time. this was all in span of 2 years. my stress of repeating classes was gone too. i still cant go (havent been dince 3 years) into swimming pool because the blueish green color trigger plus my terrible eye sight triggers it. welp so i know i said a lot so bottom line i let go of unnecessary things, feelings, and stress, as well as embracing a little bit of change still within my comfort zone. and most ot my cutest dog i can never leave her alone in this world. she is our family dog so she won't be alone, alone but like you know i don't want her to wait for me thinking i would wake up again when i won't 😅
 

Lara_C

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#11
Thanks Lara....you are very kind. One of my biggest hurdles is also self forgiveness...as a result of what happened to me, I hurt someone else, not physically but nonetheless hurt them. How would I incorporate this practice?
Again the guilt inducing memory is essentially another thought, so when you watch that thought arising and disappearing the guilt appears and disappears with it. I'm not saying it won't reappear but with practice it should be less frequent and intense. Let the guilt producing thoughts come and go like all the other thoughts and remember you are not your thoughts but the one who they appear to, like the passing cars are not you, the witness . Try to focus on just being yourself, independent of your changing thoughts. The slower your thoughts become, the longer the interval of being aware of yourself just as the one who witnesses them, the more peace you feel.
 
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#12
Again the guilt inducing memory is essentially another thought, so when you watch that thought arising and disappearing the guilt appears and disappears with it. I'm not saying it won't reappear but with practice it should be less frequent and intense. Let the guilt producing thoughts come and go like all the other thoughts and remember you are not your thoughts but the one who they appear to, like the passing cars are not you, the witness . Try to focus on just being yourself, independent of your changing thoughts. The slower your thoughts become, the longer the interval of being aware of yourself just as the one who witnesses them, the more peace you feel.
I need to do this......I will practice. I am also doing intense erp therapy,
 

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#13
I had this weird idea at some point that in the billions and billions of years of non-existence I will have my life is the only holiday away from that.

And while the hotel isn't quite what the brochure promised, and the couple next door has noisy kids, and the sights really aren't that special and the local cuisine made you spend the entire first day on the toilet.... it's still the only "holiday" I got from an eternity of non-existence so I might as well make the most of it. I mean, the ticket is already paid and there's no refunds. So I'll just have to make the most of it and appreciate I atleast will have experiences and emotions throughout it all.
 

Paisley

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SF Artist
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#14
This is maybe a bit unconventional, but... aside from situational life changes being the main factor, when I recognized that I believe in reincarnation, that belief began to act as a major deterrent from suicide. I'd merely be exchanging a known set of problems for an unknown set. That will come in time anyway and in that view there's no rush for me to leave this body so I decided to stay for the foreseeable future.
 

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