Going through a rough time...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by PhilipJ, Jun 27, 2010.

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  1. PhilipJ

    PhilipJ New Member

    Really struggling again - went to big AA meet yesterday 75+, round-the-room sobriety length intro - i was the youngest [again] @ 15 hours - managed to share about some of the triggers for me picking up that 1st drink including the massive bipolar swings - totally euphoric - sod it, let's celebrate witha beer - totally depressed - only way through the day is a drink - seemed to fall on deaf ears a bit - asked, if not pleaded if anyone knew a sponsor that was bipolar also, nothing came back from any of them - i was gutted and angry, came straight out the meet and into the bar; 2 beers, went home, watched the tennis, had a nap and went out around 7pm and had another 2 beers but stopped then... overall a pretty crappy day - really disappointed and ashamed of my behaviour - gutted... :-( Feel i've done steps 1-3 [or maybe not after yesterday] without a sponsor, but on the manic swings, God seems to go out the window, although perversely, I'm a pretty religious guy...
     
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