Going to amputate my leg

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Bleak, Nov 30, 2009.

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  1. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    I want to be an amputee. Im thinking of either xxx I hurt myself a lot but its never a suicide attempt. If and when I do kill myself it wont be from cutting and Ill make sure It works the first time.

    The leg amputation is just something Ive always wanted. Almost to an obssessive point. I cant really explain why.

    Are there any others who have experience with amputation/wanting to be an amputee or extreme self harm?

    Just curious
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2009
  2. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I have a cousin who is an amputee, he got his leg blasted off. He has a prosthetic leg but its very restricting and the wheelchair is so stressful to use. If you want attention this is not a good way to go about it, its a huge deal and hassle having one leg and it only multiplies depression and life's challenges. Please don't, take care.
  3. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    It has absolutely nothing to do with wanting attention; and I know it will make my life more difficult. Thats one reason I want my leg gone, I know it doesnt make sense but I want my leg gone, I want it to hurt and I want it to make things harder on me.
  4. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I really have no experience with this but is it a way to get rid of you're pain? You say you want to make you're life harder, is it that you want to occupie yourself with something else, e.g. a mutilated leg, to deflect other problems and worries?

    I know you must go through alot but its a good sign that you're giving SF a chance to support you. Take care, please.
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I have come across this several times, but all I can say is the shotgun and severing your leg with blunt objects when you aren't sure what you're doing etc. can be VERY dangerous! You could end up losing a lot of blood and bleeding to death, which would be more painful than I could even describe to you.

    I will say that while I do not understand wanting to lose a limb, that you are not alone in feeling this way.
  6. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    Yeah thats a good way to explain it. I think it would just put my attention to that, other peoples attention too. They would think that my missing leg is whats wrong with me and not everything else.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Is there a reason you want things to be harder for you?
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Is there no way you can focus your attention elsewhere and maybe try to deal with your feelings about how other people view you?

    I suppose in a less severe way I did this. I used to dress a certain way to make people look at the blue hair, the piercings, the crazy shoes and outfits instead of actually seeing me. Then they'd just see all of that instead.
  9. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    Probly but its all so hard to explain. I just always do things to make things worse for myself.

    Part of it is I feel I should be punished, some of its to deflect my pain to something else and to distract other peoples negetive thoughts about me to just one thing Im okay with and the rest of it is just a strong unexplained desire for pain, discomfort and hardship..

    I dont know..
  10. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    There's a pattern on here - SF. A lot of people feel they should be punished, that they've done something wrong, that they aren't worthy, that they are in some way an infestation, a disease, a parasite, something to be wiped out. And of course it's easy for me to say "you guys - it's not true!!!!", but most importantly it's something that needs to be worked on. Maybe through counselling. Have you ever sought that out? Tried to talk out why you feel you should be punished and why you feel things should be shitty for you?
  11. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    Im far beyond counseling and medication. People know im a terrible person but in reality im even worse than they think.
  12. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    I dont wanna sound like im taking you lightly or not serious or anything like that. But did you happen to watch Nip/Tuck.. If not i think its an episode worth checking out.. season 3 episode 7

    Other than that i must say that i think that you should reconsider. I dont thing doing this will give you gratification you been looking for.
  13. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    It's okay

    I was too, but I can change so can you. A lot of people will be horrified by this thread, I know I was, I'm actually shuddering thinking of what you are saying.

    No-one is beyond help, if you were truly evil you would not be able to talk so gently and cry out for help, you would be a sadist in everything you do including here. I have some deep dark secrets which I'll basically tell no-one, so do you, but I SEE THE GOOD IN YOU MY FRIEND
  14. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member


    I don't care what you've done I swear, you'll find judgement from others perhaps, not me :hugtackles:

    It's okay, you can tell me anything, feel free to pm me, I won't tell anyone, not even the girl I love.
  15. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    Its not me crying out for help. I refuse all help; always have, I dont want help, I want to suffer, I want to be around suffering, Im disgusted by love and kindness. I speak calmly about these things because it is me; Its irrational to me to think that I could ever be a happy person.

    Theres another me, he comes out every 6 or 7 months, he knows he will never be better, nothing he tries will ever work, and that nothing really matters, but for some reason he still attempts to talk to somebody about things, it lasts a day or two, almost nothing is accomplished, most people ignored him or encoureged him to kill himself and he eventally gives up and I take over again.

    I wont let him get better, he doesnt deserve it, and even if I gave him total control he would just fuck it up and be a pathetic loser anyway.
  16. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Wait...I'm pretty sure I remember seeing something that sounds similar to this on an episode of Dr.Phil:)laugh:). It's some sought of neurological disorder where a person just doesn't feel a certain limb 'belongs to them'. A man ended up putting his leg in dry ice so the surgeons would have to amputate.
    May want to talk to your doctor if this sounds like you.

    Hope it helps :).
  17. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    Yeah thats called BIID
    (Body Integrity Identity Disorder). I know about it; I seem close to that but I dont think I have BIID, most criteria fits but the most important; feeling incomplete with two legs, doesnt fit with me. That sounds stupid.

    I just want to be a cripple in constant pain and Ive always had fantasies, thoughts and urges to amputate limbs.
  18. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    I think you're definitely a heavy masochist of some sort in a non-sexual way. I healed that part of me with support from others. I used to say "I have never been happy and I never will be", but now I am happy.

    You seem to enjoy suffering.
  19. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Physical suffering used as a gateway away from emotional suffering.

    I think you need to work on removing emotional pain. Can you do that? What is going on? Please give some insight, I'm dying to hear it.
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