The despair is so strong today. As soon as I woke up I could feel it there, festering away in my gut. I ran through my usual distractions. Make breakfast.. check. Watch random tv.. check. Listen to calming music.. Check. Nothing is making a dent. I feel it fill every part of me till I can hardly see. I'm dreading going out today. It's only the supermarket but the way I'm feeling, I fully expect I'll end up in tears. I do want to do this. Any of this. I slept around 10 hours and I'm still exhausted. Exhausted of the flashbacks, of the barking dog next door, of the neighbours shouting at the barking dog. It's only 10am and I feel like this already. It's going to be such a horribly long day.