I guess I am just leaving tracks for people to see when I'm gone. My ex girlfriend said she loves me and would never leave me, before dumping me saying she can't trust me. The irony is I never once lied to her and would give her ANYTHING she ever wanted. she's going out now for a party on the 10th. That's the day of my 21st birthday. Also the day I will die. Everyone blames me for the end of the relationship because I had some self harm issues which she couldn't handle. But I never inflicted once in our LTR. They all hate me, I just want to protest my innocence after my death via this thread. I was a good and kind boyfriend and always very considerate (and skilled) in bed. I was systematically emotionally and sexually raped at a young age, I have many problems because of it, a now treated eating disorder and a nearly fixed SI issue but nothing is ever good enough. I wont state methods but know I have some 'golden' tricks up my sleeve. Why post here? 1. To leave tracks if they ever look for answers. 2. I don't want to die alone, everyone hates me an no one cares. This is not paranoia or an exaggeration, it's a truth. maybe it's also a route to stem the pain from the break up, I loved her like no one has ever loved another person.