I m writing this this to say thnx to all those who have been here for me but as of tonght im not gunna bother anyone anymore not saying im killing myself well not yet anyway just need to have no contact with ppl as im sick of making fool of myself and hasling ppl with my probs.I feel as low as anything and going to go back to my dark hole.I will stop seeing kids for a while and will cease contact with anyone till im better and only i can do this i need to be alone i cant handle anyone or thing anymore.I told someone somethng today tht ive kept to myself for nearly 20 yrs and it hasnt made me feel better made me feel worse within myself.I will either become better or make the other choice but i am going to isolate myself from the world as i dont belong.I do feel like im a hinderance to everyone around me and even with prof help i even feel im a whinging nusiance pain here.I cant rid this depression and im not going to put my probs or this sucky life of mine onto others.The fght is my own now what ever the outcome better or dead.