There is no way out for me now. I have nothing left. There is no way out of my schizophrenia anymore. My last chance for life ended when I had my ECT. It ruined me completely. My only regret is that my mom has no one else to look after her. But my being around is a curse anyway. I'm just waiting for her to go out long enough any moment now. I'm going to barricade the door. I hope this works. God forgive me, I have nothing left. Thanks to the guys who made this forum for open communication.