My mom and dad are taking me to the phychiatrist tomorrow, some guy with about 30 years of experience, very renowned. But I have absolutely no faith or hope that he can help me and the visit is just a big waste of time and money. I can't even tell anyone why I am depressed, I can say that I KNOW that I am inferior to just about everyone on this planet, I am different, messed up, and I feel so trapped. My parents want me to just get better as soon as possible. Nobody in our family has ever been depressed or had suicidal thoughts, same with our friends and relatives and everyone else we know, who are 99% Indian anyways. They can't be depressed, they just grow up to be very sucessful and happy and I hate everyone around me my age that is so happy and carefree, I want to hurt them but they don't deserve it at all. Yeah, so my parents don't like my depression at all and just want me to get better and already think I am improving and must feel that the meds the psychiatrist will prescribe will be a cure-all to my depression, what morons. Its not going to do any fucking thing. Only I can change my attitudes and habits and behaviors to fix myself but I don't want to do that or I feel that its too late to change since I am already so fucked up and inferior and messed up. I don't know what to do. They think the doctor will give some magic medicine that will automatically help me, I agree that these can help many people and many here as well, but just not ME. ME ME ME. I will always be alone, lonely, pathetic, miserable, no hobbies, goals, aspirations, NOTHING. No fucking pills can fucking solve my fucking life. But I also don't want to die, I'm so scared of attempting suicide or dying. I am TRAPPED. Why is every other fucking 19 year old in my university and elsewhere so fucking happy and carefree? Even with those suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts, I know that I am worse off than them, worse off than anyone here as well. I am trapped. I was very happy as a child and never thought I would grow up to be so pathetic, empty, sad, suicidal. I don't want to die but I'm only going to continue to live as such a fucking loser. And I feel that I am so different from everyone else on this forum and everyone else that suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts. I am the biggest loser that has ever lived and this really really fucking sucks. If anyone of you here think your the biggest loser alive, your WRONG, I AM.