Going to psychiatrist tomorrow, no ****ing point!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by TheBLA, Jan 10, 2007.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    My mom and dad are taking me to the phychiatrist tomorrow, some guy with about 30 years of experience, very renowned.
    But I have absolutely no faith or hope that he can help me and the visit is just a big waste of time and money.
    I can't even tell anyone why I am depressed, I can say that I KNOW that I am inferior to just about everyone on this planet, I am different, messed up, and I feel so trapped.
    My parents want me to just get better as soon as possible. Nobody in our family has ever been depressed or had suicidal thoughts, same with our friends and relatives and everyone else we know, who are 99% Indian anyways. They can't be depressed, they just grow up to be very sucessful and happy and I hate everyone around me my age that is so happy and carefree, I want to hurt them but they don't deserve it at all.

    Yeah, so my parents don't like my depression at all and just want me to get better and already think I am improving and must feel that the meds the psychiatrist will prescribe will be a cure-all to my depression, what morons. Its not going to do any fucking thing. Only I can change my attitudes and habits and behaviors to fix myself but I don't want to do that or I feel that its too late to change since I am already so fucked up and inferior and messed up. I don't know what to do.

    They think the doctor will give some magic medicine that will automatically help me, I agree that these can help many people and many here as well, but just not ME. ME ME ME. I will always be alone, lonely, pathetic, miserable, no hobbies, goals, aspirations, NOTHING. No fucking pills can fucking solve my fucking life. But I also don't want to die, I'm so scared of attempting suicide or dying. I am TRAPPED.

    Why is every other fucking 19 year old in my university and elsewhere so fucking happy and carefree? Even with those suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts, I know that I am worse off than them, worse off than anyone here as well.

    I am trapped. I was very happy as a child and never thought I would grow up to be so pathetic, empty, sad, suicidal. I don't want to die but I'm only going to continue to live as such a fucking loser. And I feel that I am so different from everyone else on this forum and everyone else that suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts. I am the biggest loser that has ever lived and this really really fucking sucks.

    If anyone of you here think your the biggest loser alive, your WRONG, I AM.
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Give yourself a chance, will you please? You haven't had the appt yet and you're already sure it'll be no use. It might be of some use - you won't know til after, and it might take some time to effect any change in your depression. Give yourself a break, please. Don't 'borrow trouble'. Wait and see what happens before giving up on something. You never know, something very good could come from this doctor.:smile:

    love and hugs,

  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Yeah to echo Least, please go in with an open mind.
    I really think if u go to your appointment with a willingness to at least meet the shrink halfway some good can come of it.

    Good luck hun.
  4. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Hun... when you go to see a counsellor/psychologist... you only get out of the session what you put in. And it takes time. Meds apparently can help... I wouldnt know personally - I've never taken any... but ONLY meds is probably just a recipe for disaster... it'd be more like a mixture of taking meds and talking to someone as well.

    You say that you're parents are the ones taking you... well even if they dont like depression.. at least they're kind of supportive in you getting better... its a start, isnt it? And I cant remember roughly how old you are... but depending on ur age, the psych still has to talk to your parents anyway about how you're going... and what kind of - if any - mental illnesses you have... and they have to tell them about it and what it is, and emphasise that they have to be supportive etc..

    I think that the appointment will be whatever you make it. If you have even a bit of faith in yourself... then it will be a lot better than you think it will be... I hope it goes well.

  5. everyone here is telling you to take a chance with counseling, and with the meds it's gonna help. and this isn't gonna help unless you're willing to do it. if you really truly want to get better, you're going to have the be the one to make that decision if wether or not you really do want to get better. you need to start living your life, by changing it around. you can't go on with just being miserable all the time. accept that your life kida sucks, but don't dwell on it like you're doing right now. holding on to all your misery, anger and depression is just going to stop you from ever getting better, and moving on with your life. understand that YOU are the one in control. NO ONE can ever make you feel better, no one can control your feelings and make you happy. but i do think that talking to someone can help you, but only if you're willing to let others help you. i don't think that a psychiatrist can really help you, but having a really good friend who you can talk too can be very helpful. in my opinion, it's much more benifical to talk to a friend then to a psychiatrist. i think that maybe someday though you should try to give the counseling things shot. right now, you don't sound as though you're ready to talk to a psychiatrist.if you are completly unwilling to get into counseling, then you'e right, there is no point in going to see one. i hope you can find someway to get better. do you have any friends that you can talk to? i think it would really help
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Sigh, I'm feeling more depressed than usual. I feel very confused and hopeless. I just wish I was never fucking born. I wish I could have died when I was 10 and first came to the U.S and since then was never as happy. I don't know what I what, if I can better.

    I keep facing the question should I or not commit suicide? Its a big decision of course and if I want to, then there's no point to anything and I should just devote all my attention to my suicide attempt. I have only thought about suicide a lot but never have thought about doing an attempt. I feel confident that I will commit suicide but just do not know when.

    But I'm also afraid of death of what happens after we die, but also feel that I will always live a empty, lonely, crippled life. Why did it have to be me? All I wanted was a normal life, thats all I fucking wanted. What did I do to deserve this? As I said before, I feel so TRAPPED. Trapped in this miserable life but also afraid of death. And so what should I do? Just try to make my life better or what?

    And I can't bring myself to tell others why I feel depressed, I feel ashamed of how truly fucked up and messed up I really am, I think thats why I don't want to tell people the details of why I am (not feel) inferior to everyone. Can I get better, should I get better and keep on living?

    I know its mainly my fault for having all this help around me but refusing it and not telling my parents or people here, or psychiatrist or psychologist why exactly I feel that I have to kill myself. I feel that I have the best reason out of anyone alive to commit suicide and that everyone else EXCEPT for me should not commit suicide or should not have. Only I should.

    I'm in a lot of pain right now and nobody cares, nobody here cares, I just dunno what I am going to do. I've been here for a long time but haven't made any progress, neither with my psychologist, I am so messed up. I need help. Please. Please.........I'm so scared........really scared, afraid, what am I going to do?.:sad:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2007
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    In my opinion, I'd give the psychiatrist a try - really. Despite what was said about talking with friends rather than a Pdoc, the shrink has years of schooling to properly deal with people's problems, whereas friends are more likely to just agree with you in whatever. I'd try the Pdoc, and meds too, if they're offered. It made a hell of a difference in my perspective. The counseling gave me someone totally objective to talk to, and to get some (educated) feedback and possible solutions or new ways of dealing with my problems. And the meds enabled me to break out of the fog of depression and anxiety that was crippling me, dragging me down further, and keeping me from even looking for anything good. Please give it a go, and give it your best shot. Your life is worth it - I believe that.:smile:

    love and hugs,

  8. hey, the people here do love you. if they didn't they wouldn't even be trying to help you right now. i don't know you, but i love you, and i don't want to die. no body wants you to die. i want to be strong. find that motivation inside of you that keeps you strong and keeps you going. don't lose hope.
  9. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I don't know many people here but I also still love them and don't want them to die either. But I just don't feel that way about myself. That other people are worth helping and saving but not me, but of course you'll all say thats the depression getting to me but I dunno. Anyways, thank you for the replies. Whew, I have a lot on my plate. At least this depression has helped me be much more sympathetic of suicide and depression and other mental disorders in other people that before.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2007
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