Going to start cutting again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by /dev/null, Sep 18, 2008.

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  1. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    I haven't been because I don't want it to be obvious to my possible boss for a job interview tomorrow, but weather I get the job or not I'm going to take a knife and make a nice deep cut across my wrist so at least I'll feel something.
    I can't wait to be able to cut again, or at least put a few cigarettes out on myself.
  2. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    Now that you've stopped why start again? Just keep cutting off your mind and you should be able to avoid it :/.
  3. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    you've stopped. that is soo amazing! don't start back up again. you can make it through this. just focus on other things. you don't need to cut or burn just to feel things. i know you probably feel numb right now, but in the long run, cutting and burnning doesn't help at all.

    feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
  4. Crying All Time

    Crying All Time Well-Known Member

    hey you managed to stop I'm sure you are able not to start again
    I hope everything will be ok!
    wish u all the best
  5. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    I missed the interview so I haven't cut myself yet, but I did find one of my cutting knifes finally, so when I go to the interview (hopefully tomorrow) I can make a nice cut with it.

    I know cutting and burning don't help in the long run but it's better than going completely crazy right now...
    The only reason I even stopped is because I was planning on killing myself and I didn't want to get caught before i died, but now that I'm "trying" to act like I enjoy living for my friends sakes I've got to cope somehow...

    Well, I'm gonna go get drunk...
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2008
  6. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    its not worth it. stopping is such an accomplishment. the cut may feel good for a moment, but the regret and guilt that could follow won't. try to stick it out.
  7. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    Well, I did it.
    I slashed the hell out of my arm, but only a few are actually deep.
    I put a few cigarettes out in my leg and one of my friends put me on the spot about it so now she's pissed at me... I should have been more careful...
    You guys were right though, it doesn't help nearly as much as I wanted it to...
  8. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    sweetie x

    IM sorry to hear that you cut again, but this doesnt mean you need to carry on. you managed to quit once before [of what i no of] so why not again. x
    I no what it is like to be in the cutting cycle. so please stay safe.
    PM me anytime.
  9. /dev/null

    /dev/null Active Member

    I haven't burned in a while because one of my friends threatened to disown me if she caught me doing it again.
    But I have been cutting, a lot. Luckily I've managed to keep it a secret so far by wearing long-sleeve shirts all the time.
    My knife is dull but with enough pressure I seem to be making decent cuts pretty regularly now.
    I just hope my friends don't find out because it's back to the nuthouse if they do, and I don't want that.
    Anyways I don't think it matters at this point because I've pretty much decided to kill myself...
    The doctors at the hospital can't fix me, I can't fix me, noone can. I'm dead.
  10. Robin

    Robin Guest

    If nothing mattered you wouldn't be cutting, it's a sign you want things to matter but you don't have the skills neccessary to find them. Your friend threatening to disown you could be a sign that they are having problems coping with your mental health issues, people get awful guilty when they can't fix things and tend to feel responsible when they can't. At the end of the day you can't tell a knife you've had a shitty day and get a cuddle from it, all you'll get is another reason to isolate yourself and feel miserable. That's probably what you're aiming for though, at least when you find rock bottom you can't sink lower.
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You were able to stop once so it shows you that you can do it. Cutting solves nothing. It shows you have control over something, but there are so many other things you can control. You don't need this one. Your friends don't want you to SI. Even if they could understand. they would prefer you to refrain from it and stay safe. :hug:
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