Gone to far to say goodbye

Court

You will only see me with a broken smile
SF Supporter
#1
Afraid of what’s going to happen next - I haven’t self harmed in a week, I know how stupid it sounds of me to say that I do want to. It’s mixed suicidal tendencies and thoughts alongside self harm thoughts and emotions.

Reason being, me and my ex spilt up about 3 months ago, we stayed friends but he was abusive in our relationship he was a dick. I was going through grief as my best friend and dad passed away, and he was still giving me ideas to take my life.

I am suicidal, and I don’t want to self harm but he had causing me so much I can’t take it anymore - I don’t want to go through with my plan but it’s my only option to go through with it - I’m scared.

im nothing to no one, so if I’m gone then I’d make people lives so much better. Because I am useless and not worth anything anymore. Been suffering for to long - over 10 years it’s not fair anymore I can’t do this anymore I’m selfish by saying that but it’s true.
 

Court

You will only see me with a broken smile
SF Supporter
#2
He’s now encouraging me to do stuff, I can’t listen and be kind to him anymore 😭
 

teeboy68

Well-Known Member
#5
If your ex is encouraging you to do things stop communicating with him, he's obviously not good for you. It's just your brain trying to tell you what are basically lies. I know its hard but you need to try and ignore it. And I'm in no way saying it's easy because I have the same thing going on in my head, but please try.
 

Court

You will only see me with a broken smile
SF Supporter
#6
If your ex is encouraging you to do things stop communicating with him, he's obviously not good for you. It's just your brain trying to tell you what are basically lies. I know its hard but you need to try and ignore it. And I'm in no way saying it's easy because I have the same thing going on in my head, but please try.
I have
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Admin
SF Supporter
#7
Hi @Courtney02 — I’m sorry you have such a difficult situation going on. The best thing that I read in your posts is that you are aware that there are mind games and such going on. That puts you in a position of power. When we know someone is doing things to deliberately hurt us, we can ground ourselves more easily. I hope that you continue to be able to fight against the nonsense and pain he is injecting into your life right now. You deserve so much better — and better can begin with you, by caring for yourself rather than doing self-destructive things. I know how highly emotional and especially painful states can be triggering. I’m hopeful you can find other things to do to release your feelings in a safe way.

Lol why do I even post I’m always ignored
I see that you’re “laughing” but I think inside you were hoping for a quicker response. Sometimes people coming here to SF are not in a good place either, and they just don’t have the energy or good enough mood to say something helpful. I know from your many other posts that you are not “always” ignored. That might be something to think about — always/never, all/nothing, best/worst, and so on — those are all extremes. Reality is that most of us have some highs and some lows, but generally fall in the middle the rest of the time. Trying to catch ourselves when we have extreme thoughts can be helpful to pull back and see the reality. It can help us from spiralling into a really bad place, especially if we are already feeling rough.

I hope you feel much better soon. You have a lot going on, and you are aware, and you have managed to cope so far. Those are all positives. I hope you keep those in mind, especially when unpleasant people toss crap your way. Be safe and stay well! :)
 

Court

You will only see me with a broken smile
SF Supporter
#8
Hi @Courtney02 — I’m sorry you have such a difficult situation going on. The best thing that I read in your posts is that you are aware that there are mind games and such going on. That puts you in a position of power. When we know someone is doing things to deliberately hurt us, we can ground ourselves more easily. I hope that you continue to be able to fight against the nonsense and pain he is injecting into your life right now. You deserve so much better — and better can begin with you, by caring for yourself rather than doing self-destructive things. I know how highly emotional and especially painful states can be triggering. I’m hopeful you can find other things to do to release your feelings in a safe way.



I see that you’re “laughing” but I think inside you were hoping for a quicker response. Sometimes people coming here to SF are not in a good place either, and they just don’t have the energy or good enough mood to say something helpful. I know from your many other posts that you are not “always” ignored. That might be something to think about — always/never, all/nothing, best/worst, and so on — those are all extremes. Reality is that most of us have some highs and some lows, but generally fall in the middle the rest of the time. Trying to catch ourselves when we have extreme thoughts can be helpful to pull back and see the reality. It can help us from spiralling into a really bad place, especially if we are already feeling rough.

I hope you feel much better soon. You have a lot going on, and you are aware, and you have managed to cope so far. Those are all positives. I hope you keep those in mind, especially when unpleasant people toss crap your way. Be safe and stay well! :)
Thank you 😊
 

iloverachel

An outcast, forgotten and excluded by society
#14
I’ve blocked him and I’ve rang a helpline to talk to someone
Blocking him is a good step. No one should ever encourage you to take your own life. You don't need those type of people in your life. I am sorry that he has hurt and caused you so much pain.
Also I am sorry that you suffered for so long, 10 years is a very long time to suffer. I hope you feel better soon *hug
 

Court

You will only see me with a broken smile
SF Supporter
#15
Blocking him is a good step. No one should ever encourage you to take your own life. You don't need those type of people in your life. I am sorry that he has hurt and caused you so much pain.
Also I am sorry that you suffered for so long, 10 years is a very long time to suffer. I hope you feel better soon *hug
Thank you
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$135.00
Goal
$255.00
Top