Gone.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~PinkElephants~, May 27, 2008.

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  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I want to cut myself open.
    I want to bleed myself dry.
    I want to feel my life slip away....
    slowly and painfully.
    I don't deserve this life anyways.
    I want out of this hurt.
    I want out of this pain.
    I need to do this.
    I'm sorry I'm not a friend.
    I'm sorry I'm nobody.
    I'm going.
     
  2. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Kelly I'm sorry you're going through so much pain right now
     
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Please! Sorry. Right.
    I'm sorry I'm less than sympathetic but I'm tired of caring what people think of me.
    Sick of not being able to walk around without someone in my ear or someone yelling at me.
    I want to cut. cut. cut.
    and bleed til I'm content.
    I don't care if I cut too deep.
     
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I feel you..
    I wanna cut until there's nothing left to cut.
    And if I go too deep??
    Well the more crimson red to see.
    :[ creepy, I know, but it's how i feel.

    the release of everything.. it helps
    but it doens't do enough..
    maybe, just maybe going deeper would help numb you a little more?
    it's a theory I've got..

    But to try it out..
    It'd scare to many people.
    You can get through this..
    I have faith in you :]

    Need to talk?
    PM me.
    MuchLove?
    -Rachel
     
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Lie.
    Lie.
    Lie.
    LIAR
    LIAR
    What's become of me?
    What's become of this?
    Why can't I feel?
    Why can't I breathe?
    My chest is on fire
    The ringing in my ears won't stop screeching.
     
  6. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    :hug: Kellz. I know you feel many things. You can write so well and you are very artistic.
     
  7. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Thanks Jani. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel lost alot of the times. I feel stupid for even whining about my problems. Things are just so overwhelming. I don't want to even bother pointing out that I feel suffocated by life. *sigh*. I'm going to shut up now. It's stupid for me to even bother with this. I don't deserve support.
     
  8. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Yes, you do deserve support. I'm here if you need to talk or hugs :hug:
     
  9. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I understand if you want to go, but i dont understand why do you think you deserve to go painfully? No one deserve that and everyone deserve some support.
     
  10. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Have you ever felt like dissecting yourself? Like figure out what really makes you tick inside. I want to do that. I've started here and there but nothing like I want to do. It's gotten worse lately. The paranoia. The thoughts inside my mind that everyone is out to get me and every negative word is aimed at me. I feel like I'm ignored. I feel invisible. The paranoia eats at my mind little by little. Sooner or later the only thing left will be only the paranoia. Then I can let it rule me completely.

    Why do I feel I deserve to die so painfully? Why not? It's not like I deserve anything respectable. After all I am nothing. I'm talked over, looked past and ignored. I'm not worth remembering. I'm not even worth forgetting. It's like I should have never existed in the first place.

    Lately, it seems that everything I do is wrong. I'm a failure. I know it. He knows it. They all know it. They all look at me with contempt. I let the hatred build and build until it escalates to an unhealthy hatred.

    I'm stuck here. I'm stuck with the thoughts of complete inadequacy. I'm becoming vacant in the eyes, soulless.

    I have cuts on the inside and on the inside. It's like glass permeates my skin and destroys my insides. Fuck it. I feel dead inside. Why the fuck not out?

    Sorry for wasting time.
     
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have been where you seem to be many times...sometimes, I tell ppl who love me that all I need is to feel loved...what an oximoron...hating myself and needing to feel love...but sometimes, it does work to give me enough space to catch my breath...hope you find the caring here for you a little respite and please remember that each of us are so very imperfect that our time should be used to work on ourselves and caring for others...wishing you brighter and more 'airy' times, big hugs, J
     
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    you need somekind of release. I know what you mean about holding it all in. You need to let it out thats the healthy thing to do. Try going in the woods or to the beach, find yourself somewhere isolated where people aren't around. Then scream at the top of your lungs, until you can't scream no more. Give it a go and see if that doesn't help.:chopper:
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    If you need to talk feel free to PM me :arms:
     
  14. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    kelly

    im here 4 ya hun *hug

    love jo
     
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't cut yourself open Kelly. Talking to someone is a much better way of finding out what makes you tick on the inside. Plus, I really enjoy our discussions in chat. :hug:
     
  16. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    dave you prat we don't talk in chat. You shoot people down in chat and call them mean. Don't answer my threads like ever.
     
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Sorry Kelly. Didn't mean to upset you...
     
  18. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I don't want you even talking to me or mentioning my name. You know I don't like you and you don't care for me. You purposely say stuff to tick me off and you do things to get a rile out of people on purpose. Please leave me alone. I'm asking nicely and it won't be nice next time.
     
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