Gonna go back to therapy.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Evo_L, Apr 1, 2007.

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  1. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    Just thought i'd share this with you lot. I am going to go back to seek therapy. I've seen the attitudes on here similar to mine and I seem to think I'm right and everything I feel is totally correct, but in comparison to some others I'm begining to see that I'm wrong. My attitudes towards myself are unhealthy and incorrect, it doesn't matter if I hold these attitudes to myself and don't really publically announce them in company, the fact that I do believe these things are very bad. Especially after reading those comments by Nihilist and seeing other people's reactions to it all.

    I need to do something about it, my attitude is something I can change. It might not be easy but if I don't start heading towards that destination I'll never reach it. It's like anything, uni-work, getting fit. First time you attempt it feels pointless and that all your efforts are in vain. I remember feeling like this when I first started running, i felt shattered after just two minutes of running, I felt like 'whats the point I can't run', but then I ran for another minute, then another whole five minutes, then a week later I ran 10 minutes straight and then months later I was running for 40 minutes straight.

    I will say in defence of my attitude though, it was formed by many negative aspects in my life, aspects beyond my control, but now I'm an adult now I need to understand those things happened and yes it was shit, but now I need move on and get things sorted. I probably need some kind of cognative behavioural therapy but I'll seek medical advice on that.
     
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Bravo! It's wonderful to hear that you are going to work on the aspects of your life that you CAN change. You're right. You have had some shit circumstances, but as an adult, it's your responsibility to take control of the things that you can actually do something about. I'm proud of you and I wish you the best of luck. It takes courage to do what you are doing!
     
  3. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    I've tried it before and I had negative views of it, but like I said 'tried' it before. I need to commit myself to it, really try it over a period of a year or so.
     
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Hey, what do you have to lose? I think your new attitude is great and I think that if you really throw yourself into it like with your running or anything else you've ever really wanted, then you will come out of it a happy and healthy person :) Just think about everything you truly want in life, a relationship, friends, whatever, and realize that this is the very best thing you can do to achieve your goals. It's there for the taking if you really and truly want it.
     
  5. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    Well I do have quite good friends at the moment, though I rarely see them because they live so far away.

    There's just an undercurrent of issues with me that haven't been resolved, mental issues and my attitude. I need to change it, seeing that other thread was a bit of an eye opener of his attitudes towards himself. They were very much like my own, although I haven't beaten up my mother yet blaming her for giving birth to me, but I've often wished I was never born and I do have an unhealthy interests in genetics. I mostly read the bad stuff and now if I'm honest I read the bad stuff to engage mostly in self hatred.
     
  6. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    that is really wonderful, that you're going to give therapy another chance. and it sounds like you're going into with a good attitude. i truly wish the best for you. keep us posted, if ya dont mind that is
     
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Some people are oddly comforted by engaging in self-hatred. It can be a kind of security blanket. But the bottom line is that it really is self-indulgent and only perpetuates itself in the long run. Better to try as best you can to focus on something outside of yourself, maybe doing some volunteer work or something. That sort of thing really helps with your perspective and allows you to see the beauty in humanity, as opposed to the ugliness that bombards us via the media. It also gives you a reason to feel good about yourself, and who doesn't need a little of that?
     
  8. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    Oddly enough I just noticed your michael jordan quote, that's some really inspiring stuff. Someone who you think has had such a flawless career and think is the best has failed so many times.
     
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Yeah, when I feel down, I like to look back at his career and really think about how many times you have to fail in order to succeed, and how conscious you need to be of your failures to learn from them. I remember when he tried to play baseball after his father died, because they always did it together. They interviewed his coach and he said MJ was the first person there in the morning and the last to leave practice at night, every single day. Then he overheard someone say "Why is he doing this? He's only embarrassing himself.", to which the coach replied, "I can only hope to God that one day my son grows up to embarrass himself like that." Jordan always said, "I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying." That's the attitude that got him where he is today :)
     
  10. BrooklynRider

    BrooklynRider Well-Known Member

    Evo-

    BRAVO TO YOU!

    We use a word so negatively here, let me throw it out in celebration: FUCKING BRILLIANT!!

    Man, I have seen you do a 180 degree turn before my eyes.

    I can't speak for others, but I too have been on this cusp of "do or die." It is very hard when we come from backgrounds that just keep reinforcing how worthless we are and that reaffirm our negative self-image.

    I hope you do a little research. Ask friends for therapist recommendations. The therapist I go to was recommended by a friend who I knew had a good grasp of the issues I was dealing with. Trust is so important in therapy, because truth is what helps you break through the toughest spots.

    I don't know you well. However, considering your frustrated and angry posts that I have read on SF, this is such a huge breakthrough. I can say I'm really proud of you. Something seems to have shifted for you.

    Go for it!!!

    Rob
     
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you have decided to work on changing your attitude and the way you view things. Always try to be true to yourself, but don't forget that the way we view things may not be the way they are. Sometimes we need to search to find truth.
     
  12. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    yes girl ! bravo

    well done! its good to see u doing that. wldone. let me know how it goes. =D
    love u lots.
    nic
    xox
     
  13. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    I made an appointment with my GP (general practitioner) today, I'll speak to him and get a refferal to a psychiatrist again. It will be a good month before I actually get to see one but I might as well get the ball rolling.
     
  14. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    I am glad to hear your willing to take a stance and make a change, takes alot of energy, I hope the best comes out of it for you. Keep it up and keep us informed.
     
  15. TwilightKid

    TwilightKid Well-Known Member

    GOOD LUCK!!! I hope u are gonna be okay!!!
     
  16. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    It's good to know that even with the time gap you're still willing to try :hug:
     
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