Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LeopoldRamses, Aug 5, 2015.
I'm nearly 25, too old, gonna kill myself, but I feel like I should talk to people about it first.
Talking to people may be a good idea because i doubt that is the only thing going on your life if you have decided suicide is the best solution. You say you are a virgin but many would applaud somebody that remained a virgin if not in a serious relationship or marriage and many do not believe that casual sex is something to aspire to. While I personally am more of the view that between consenting adults what they do or do not do is their own business, ZI would not find lack of meaningless sex particularity worth losing life over in an otherwise fulfilling life so perhaps the rest of your life is not really fulfilling? If you want to share what else is going on with your life or why you feel an 15 minute sexual act with somebody would actually change your life significantly you might get some thoughts on how to improve other areas of your life and when things get better in one area often other areas improve as well (like the ability to find/maintain a healthy romantic relationship that may or may not include sex).
You've founded this post on an incorrect assumption. I am perfectly happy with every single other aspect of my life.
Because I feel like I am a fundamentally repugnant person and if somebody had sex with me than it would prove me wrong. Feeling like you're a worthless person goes on to permeate every single facet of your existence. Like everything's irrelevant to me. If I achieve something really amazing, it doesn't matter to me, it doesn't have any impact on my life because I know that I am still an awful person who has never had sex.
Sex is much to hyped up in our society. Everywhere you look its being exploited. Wanting to kill yourself because your a virgin at 25 isn't the best move. I was a virgin until 26. I just started getting drunk and calling prostitutes. I'm not saying that's the road you should take. But it helps to loosen up a bit and stop living in a shell.
See, if I had sex with a prostitute it wouldn't change anything, I would still feel just as worthless.
I guess without an idea of what you have done to try to form relationships I have no real advice abiut sex. If your sole purpose of getting into a relationship is sex and sex is the only thing that will make you feel like a woman cares for you then it likely comes across when you are talking to them and not many women want to be seen as a "sex" , or to feel like if they are not offering sex then nothing else is good enough. A sexual relationship comes about as a natural progression unless you you are talking about the typical one night stands after too much to drink in which case there is no more validation than comes with a prostitute ( and the very real possibility of being accused of rape for having sex with somebody too intoxicated to consent). Are you looking for a women to come up and just want to jump in bed and have sex with you with no relationship? Have you pursued relationships without the sole purpose of sex ?
You've founded this post on an incorrect assumption.
When I'm talking to an actual girl, like there is a girl in the room, I literally never think about sex. I'm like, if you can be 'good' at such a thing, then I am exceptionally good at talking to girls on like, a platonic level. I make friends with girls real easily. I can be friends with a girl for years at a time without making any attempt to try to have sex with them and without it bothering me. You can disbelieve me if you like, but I can pretty much guarantee that people come away from conversations with me feeling more human and less objectified.
Once you find someone to actually have an meaningful relationship with, the rest will flow over time. It's overrated, just saying from someone that was a virgin longer than you. I know it's always the wondering what ifs..it was annoying me not knowing what was the big deal about it, why did people shine afterwards etc.....once I did it, it just was another thing off my bucket list, no I do not have any regrets as it was with my ex of 5 years, I did figure out it was not true love in the end. I am willing to do the rest of my life without it if I don't find someone I truly love. Just saying, wait find the right girl it'll all fall into pieces.
I lost my virginity at 25, my first real girlfriend. To be honest I wasn't terribly attracted to her, but I just did it to get it over with. We'd been dating for 5 months thought it was time.
Why should you kill yourself at 25 just because you are a virgin I was one up until 24, and while that did weigh in my mind for a long time, it was no thing that I was too bothered with,for the simple fact that there are too many other things in life to be concerned about. I know it is a cliche,but it will happen when it happens, why bother to get yourself down or strung up over one little fact like that when you have a lot of other things in life that you can turn your attention to? Family, friends, work, hobbies and/or projects - there are a lot more things going on in life and more important things to do in life than get caught up in one train of thought that you convince yourself it will never happen because at one point in your life, it will happen, but killing yourself, then not only will it never happen, but you will be robbing yourself of the opportunity to try it all.
I'm in my late 50s. Honestly, 25 is not "old". You're not even at the average "middle age" for most men in North America whose average lifespan is around 74 these days.
Am I understanding you correctly...you can talk to girls but you haven't established a romantic relationship that might lead to sex?
If that is correct, what have you done to move things along beyond a "friendship" level or to let the girls know you're interested in more than just friends? What happens to stop things from becoming more than friends? If they don't know, and they also want it to be more than friends too, it's conceivable that some of them were hoping you might make the first move.
I know you feel badly right now...you want the experience and the relationship...At the same time, I know that killing yourself over this would definitely ensure you remain a virgin. Since the other parts of your life are good, wouldn't it be a shame to off yourself over this, when having sex is likely enough to happen given time? I have a feeling that when the right person comes along, this issue will resolve itself.
I hope you stick around and keep trying until you meet someone who cares and who loves you and sex is a natural outcome of the relationship.
I am in my late twenties, a male, straight, and still a virgin. It really doesn't bother me. It doesn't make me a loser or anything like that. There are more important things to me, including school, work, friends, activities, family, sports and health. Sex is just one aspect of things.
When you are talking to these girls, do you ever ask them on a date and then kiss them - try to touch them in any way or otherwise indicate that you want to have sex with them? You say when you are with a girl you are never thinking about sex, which would imply you don't attempt to engage with them intimately - and I am just wondering if you 'make a move' so to speak?
I could relate to a lot of things in your post. It seems you are very insecure and afraid of getting rejected so you hide away in a shell. You say that you can talk to girls and not even think about sex but yet you care so much about it that you're willing to kill yourself, I think you're trying to mask the pain with thoughts like these. It's difficult being in that position, I know from experience. Most girls are used to guys putting on the moves (not all of course) and will quickly see you as just a friend if you don't show any sexual interest (even if they were interested at first). If you wait for things to come knocking at your door you will wait forever I'm afraid.
You should work on your emotions with a therapist, why have you put sex up on a pedestal as the only validation that will make you "complete"? If you want to have sexual relations you can learn that. Be aware of your inner conflicts and the path might open up. I wish all the best in your endeavors.
Im in a similar boat and I am sorry you feel that way.
Sex being a natural drive... the lack of that pleasure screams a lot louder than most others.
I am terrible with women and in no position to date... it sounds like you are able to connect with them on one level.
I hope you find fufilment in this, and other ways in life.
Virginity is a much harder thing than it appears to those on the outside... but you aren't the only one who feels terrible about it.
To often, negative something leads to negative self perception which leads to not trying to see if that perception is wrong. If women like you one way, maybe they will like you as more if you give the chance... and that can lead to sex.
Im the last person to give advice here... but if you can connect with girls easily I am really envious of you.
With a lot of things in life, a negative leads to negative self perception
I am 25 years old as well. Never been kissed never had a date and never had sex. Sometimes I get really upset about it and realize when it happens it happens.