gonna try suicide....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ripx, Feb 4, 2007.

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  1. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    OK i simply cant take this life anymore, so I'm just gonna swallow the fear and do it. I just got finished talking to a friend who attempted and asked him what the effects where, he said there was no pain, he tried ODing. then he asked why I'm asking, but i lied of course.

    don't mean to sound rude but i don't know why I'm posting this, this site isn't going to help me.

    i don't know where to do it, in my room, find a discrete place outside and do it. my family will be crushed, but I'm already dead inside, theres no sense in carrying on with this life just for them, i barely talk to them, i flat out avoid them, so why should i stick around for them. oh well, hope i don't chicken out.
     
  2. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    they say hold on life will get better, talking about your problems, and whatever else cliché you can pull out of your ass. Thats all fine and dandy, and i wish those statements applied to me, but me? my problems are not fixable, and all i want to do is be understood, that no matter how much you change things for me, or make adjustments that you think are going to make me feel better, they will never be good enough. Its that simple, i CANT just simply accept my life and move on, i CANT pretend like theres nothing wrong. i will always be depressed because I'm to stupid and childish to come to terms with my life, while there are people out there, my sister included, and can live with this problem, and be mentally healthy. how am i supposed to be expected to function when I'm like this in the head? i cant go to school, cant get/hold down a job, all because of my condition, and my depression which stems from it. what am i supposed to do if i don't commit suicide? live depressed and demobilized? where will i get my money? my food? etc

    what am i to do?
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You say you are going to 'try suicide'. That sentence in itself tells me that you don't really want to die, or don't believe that you will die. If you you were totally intent on killing yourself, then you would probably say something like 'I am going to kill myself', and probably you would not post. You seem to have reached out, for whatever reason.

    Taking an OD is a very slow and painful way to die. Obviously your friend did not die, and did not take enough, so therefore would not suffer as much as he would have done, had he died. I have taken many ODs (not to die) but months and years on, they still bother me, they still cause me pain. It is neither a quick, nor easy way to die, so if you believe it is, then you need a reality check.

    'don't mean to sound rude but i don't know why I'm posting this, this site isn't going to help me'

    That's ok, that's fair enough. Can I ask why you did post? What were you hoping to achieve from it? The site itself won't help. People on the site might suggest things you could do to help yourself, and then whether or not you try ideas is what might help. It has to come from you, and no one else.

    'they say hold on life will get better, talking about your problems, and whatever else cliché you can pull out of your ass. Thats all fine and dandy, and i wish those statements applied to me, but me? my problems are not fixable'

    I'm not going to say any of those cliches, and pulling thigns out of my arse hurts, so I'm not gonna do that either :p But what I will ask is this. Why are your problems not fixable? What are your problems? They might not be fixable, but they could easily be manageable with the right help and support, so do you want to share what is going on for you?

    'all i want to do is be understood'

    That is totally natural, but no one can fully ever understand you, or what you have been through, but people can relate. What is it you would like people to understand? If you tell us, then we can give our best shot at relating to it.

    'that no matter how much you change things for me, or make adjustments that you think are going to make me feel better, they will never be good enough'

    No one will ever do that, because it has to come from you. The changes have to come from you, and you can keep changing things until you are satisfied, or happy, or functioning better.

    'i CANT just simply accept my life and move on, i CANT pretend like theres nothing wrong'

    And you shouldn't have to. But what you could do, if you wanted was to look back over the hurt, discuss it with someone, learn that although horrendous things happen to people, it does not have to affect your future or present, you could get some therapy, and that would help to heal the hurt that has been caused to you.

    'i will always be depressed because I'm to stupid and childish to come to terms with my life, while there are people out there, my sister included, and can live with this problem, and be mentally healthy'

    Depression is not stupid, nor childish, it is an illness, like diabetes. Your sister is lucky to not be ill, but that does not make her any more intelligent or grown up than you. If, for example, someone is fed loads of sugary foods, to an abusive extent, as a child, and then later develops diabetes because of that, that does not make the person stupid or childish, it makes them ill, the same way you are. You clearly feel so totally bad already, you don't need to make yourself feel worse by blaming yourself for an illness.

    'how am i supposed to be expected to function when I'm like this in the head?'

    Do you have any professional support? If you do, does it help and what do you have? If you don't would you consider getting yourself some?

    'what am i supposed to do if i don't commit suicide?'

    You fight for the decent future that you deserve. You don't let the people that have caused you the pain, win, you stand up, fight and show that no matter what has been done to you, you are a better person and thats that.

    PRobably none of what I said helped or made a difference, but you posted for a reason, so I gave a response. Maybe it might help, maybe not, but really, it has to come from you.
     
  4. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    'scum' please know that I'm legally blind, meaning ill never ever be able to do most things that to everyone else is extremely simple and that they take for granted, including being respected. so with that in mind please read over my post again, because although your intentions are good, most of what you say is contradictory to the facts.
    thanks for reading and posting.
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I wish you would have said that in the first post. I am sorry, I tried my hardest and it was not good enough.

    Having a disability of any kind makes life much harder than someone who is 'normal'. Yes, there are things you can't do, but also, I believe, there are things that might be enhanced for you, such as your other senses, which 'normal' people don't have.

    I am sorry I wasted my time on the post before. Take care of yourself
     
  6. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    I know 2 people who are blind and they jog 3 times a week, one follows along behind a person riding a bike while holding on a short rope with a sign that says blind on his back, the other jogs around a middle street partition while taping his cane on the curb, both of these people lead full productive lives. I know a blind person who just retired from one of the local hospitals, he was a transcriptionist-used a special machine. Two blind fellows I know where trained in giving massages, they work at the YMCA, they do a really good job, support themselves, ride the bus to and from work, have friends...one is married and has children.

    I don't want to belittle the challenges you face. I think being blind would be tough for most people, myself included, but I have been around long enough and have known enough blind people and have seen them live relatively normal lives. You can too.
     
  7. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i know, im nit saying its possible to live a life like this. But ask your blind friends if they were at one point in their lives depressed, id say they would say they have been. my problem is i cant get over it the way they have.
     
  8. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    I have 20/20 vision and I suffer from depression. Depression affects many people for many different reasons. After fighting the depression for many years I finally started taking an AD. The antidepressents along with talk therapy have been very helpful for me. I know I don't have the challenges that you have, but give meds and maybe counselling a try. Or I should ask have you given them a try? There's a whole life out there just waiting for you to experience it. I just worked last week with a fellow that was blind, he had attended the school for the blind in Tuscon AZ, he was married, had one child and was expecting his second.

    Most of the time the negative self talk is the depression talking, its not the true you. You are a whole complete person that has a right to experience the wonders of this life. Please reconsider hurting yourself and seek a therapist and a psychiatrist if necessary. There are meds that can help with the depression and schools that will teach you a trade to help you become independent.

    There are wonderful people out there that are seeking companionship, looking for someone to share the the ups and downs, the limits and joys and the good times and hardships with. Don't give up. You have a lot to offer.
     
  9. Infinity

    Infinity Member

    You don't 'try' suicide...

    <mod edit:shygirl>

    Suicide = Self kill.

    If you do not kill yourself, you did not commit suicide.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2007
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Right, I felt totally worthless after you told me my post was useless, so I'm having another go, why? I don't know, but I am.

    I have copied and pasted and edited what I put before, but, I have to be honest, not much has changed.

    'You say you are going to 'try suicide'. That sentence in itself tells me that you don't really want to die, or don't believe that you will die. If you you were totally intent on killing yourself, then you would probably say something like 'I am going to kill myself', and probably you would not post. You seem to have reached out, for whatever reason. (none of this changes)

    Taking an OD is a very slow and painful way to die. Obviously your friend did not die, and did not take enough, so therefore would not suffer as much as he would have done, had he died. I have taken many ODs (not to die) but months and years on, they still bother me, they still cause me pain. It is neither a quick, nor easy way to die, so if you believe it is, then you need a reality check. (None of this has changed)

    'don't mean to sound rude but i don't know why I'm posting this, this site isn't going to help me'

    That's ok, that's fair enough. Can I ask why you did post? What were you hoping to achieve from it? The site itself won't help. People on the site might suggest things you could do to help yourself, and then whether or not you try ideas is what might help. It has to come from you, and no one else. (none of this has changed)

    'they say hold on life will get better, talking about your problems, and whatever else cliché you can pull out of your ass. Thats all fine and dandy, and i wish those statements applied to me, but me? my problems are not fixable'

    I'm not going to say any of those cliches, and pulling thigns out of my arse hurts, so I'm not gonna do that either :p But what I will ask is this. Why are your problems not fixable? What are your problems? They might not be fixable, but they could easily be manageable with the right help and support, so do you want to share what is going on for you?

    Ok, that is what I wrote before, and I still agree with that to a certain extent. You appear to be grieving for your sight, and for what you could have and want, and that is normal and natural. Have you ever thought about some form of bereavement counselling, or counselling generally to help you see that although you face almighty challenges, you still have many opportunities available to you, it is just finding a way to make them achieveable.

    'all i want to do is be understood'

    (ok, this bit changes). To want to be understood is totally natural, but no one can fully ever understand you, or what you have been through. Clearly there are people out there that face similar challenges, or different challenges due to the same/similar or different disability, but no one can ever fully understand what goes on for you with relation to that and your mental health illness. But people can relate. What is it you would like people to understand? If you tell us, then we can give our best shot at relating to it. Is it how a visual impairment affects you day to day? Or how your mental illness makes life hard? Or what?

    'that no matter how much you change things for me, or make adjustments that you think are going to make me feel better, they will never be good enough'

    No one will ever do that, because it has to come from you. The changes have to come from you, and you can keep changing things until you are satisfied, or happy, or functioning better.

    Ok, that bit was way off, and I accept that. Clearly there are adjustments that have to be made to make things accessible for you. But I suspect that anything that anyone does to help will never be enough, because 'enough' would be to have vision, to be able to see. As cliched as this is about to sound, you never EVER know what is going on medically, in ten, fifteen, five, years they might find a way to make people with a visual impairment have vision. You can't know. But you can always hold that hope.

    'i CANT just simply accept my life and move on, i CANT pretend like theres nothing wrong'

    And you shouldn't have to. But what you could do, if you wanted was to look back over the hurt, discuss it with someone, learn that although horrendous things happen to people, it does not have to affect your future or present, you could get some therapy, and that would help to heal the hurt that has been caused to you.

    That was also way off too. I do stand by what I first said, and that was that you should not have to just accept life, move on and pretend like there is nothing wrong. It clearly hurts you, you possibly feel hard done by, like life is unfair, like you are missing out, and many other things that are expected. But again, what I will say is that there is a lot of therapy out there that can help you manage your emotions and feelings about this, maybe anger management therapy, or, like I said before, bereavement counselling, or something else. Maybe CBT.

    'i will always be depressed because I'm to stupid and childish to come to terms with my life, while there are people out there, my sister included, and can live with this problem, and be mentally healthy'

    Depression is not stupid, nor childish, it is an illness, like diabetes. Your sister is lucky to not be mentally ill, but that does not make her any more intelligent or grown up than you. If, for example, someone is fed loads of sugary foods, to an abusive extent, as a child, and then later develops diabetes because of that, that does not make the person stupid or childish, it makes them ill, the same way you are. You clearly feel so totally bad already, you don't need to make yourself feel worse by blaming yourself for an illness. (this has not changed, although I did add one word)

    'how am i supposed to be expected to function when I'm like this in the head?'

    Do you have any professional support? If you do, does it help and what do you have? If you don't would you consider getting yourself some?

    I would have asked those above questions anyway, because I am not clear whether or not you are talking about your mental health issues or your visual impairment.

    Being blind should not stop you functioning, sure, it makes thigns a challenge, but most things are achieveable with a bit of effort. People have alreaayd posted pretty inspirational stories about people who have similar problems to you, and that can be you, if you want. But I bet that already you have achieved some things that people didn't think you would do.

    'what am i supposed to do if i don't commit suicide?'

    You fight for the decent future that you deserve. You don't let the people that have caused you the pain, win, you stand up, fight and show that no matter what has been done to you, you are a better person and thats that.

    PRobably none of what I said helped or made a difference, but you posted for a reason, so I gave a response. Maybe it might help, maybe not, but really, it has to come from you.''

    Right, I have editted some of it, not much, maybe it might make more sense to you, maybe not, but I tried.
     
  11. bombeni

    bombeni Guest

    What is the extent of your legal blindness? I am "legally blind" which means my eyesight really sucks, but it is corrected with glasses to the point I am able to drive and take care of myself. Without glasses I can't even see 10 inches in front of my face. What is your prognosis? What do the specialists say about your condition? There are a lot of innovations for people with limited sight today. Botch a suicide and on top of vision problems you may be mentally impaired or physically or both. Better just stick with the problems you have and not add to them. Every problem has a solution, and if it doesn't there's no use worrying about it anyway.
     
  12. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i don't know the exact jargon, but my sight is bad enough that glasses wont help, i wish that was an option.

    well anyways, I'm still here obviously, i took <mod edit: Robin - Pls do not mention specifics> yesterday, i knew it wouldn't kill me, but i wanted to test the waters so to speak, plus i have a strep throat infection, and needed something for th pain anyways.

    well, thanks 'scum' and everyone else.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2007
  13. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    key word: try.
     
  14. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    I'm glad your still with us Ripx.
     
  15. yea man, don't kill yourself. Oding is stupid unless you know what you are doing. You will most likely end up with liver failure or irreversible brain damage.

    There is only one usable OTC OD method that I will not reveal. Actually I explained it once but a mod edited it out haha.


    I am pro suicide but am against methods that make people's lives worse than they were to start off with. If you really want to kill yourself dude don't OD. Trust me, it's most likely not going to work and can really mess your mind/body up.


    On side note though, can we all leave comments on my poems?

    http://suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=23166
     
  16. are you sure laser eye surgery isn't an option?
     
  17. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Maybe if you had laser surgery it would help your eyes enough to where maybe you'd be able to see with glasses? :unsure:
     
  18. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    ODing or any other way of commiting suicide is not gauranteed to do the job without leaving you with serious medical problems. I know a girl who tried it with a shotgun...propped the butt of the gun up against a door handle and pulled the trigger with her toe...it pulled the gun down to her stomach and wasted half her insides...she lived but with serious medical problems, another guy...a deputy sheriff used a hand gun...he's now a vegatable in a nursing home, a young guy...20 years old...another gun to the head, he's confined to a wheelchair needing 24hr around the clock care in a nursing home, or the fellow who OD and only ended up sleeping for 30 hours on one side of his body, the blood pooled on that side and caused muscle damage, he had to have surgery to remove the damaged muscle...he now has limited use of the right side of his body and has to walk with a cane. Visit any head trauma or neurological ward at a hospital and see how failed suicide attempts have left people. Its not pleasent. Or work for an ambulance company or funeral home who has to remove the remains or in a trauma unit and help hold down people getting their stomachs pumped...don't sit around talking about it, if you are going to give suggestions on how to committ suicide, get out there and see just what its like. Maybe after you have felt the absolute despair of such a senseless act as suicide, the self murder of someone who had a possible chance of a happy life, experience the unbearble pain and confusion of their loved ones, then maybe you will be ready to give such "noble" advice.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2007
  19. I tried ODing on pills and it obviously didn't work..i know how it feels when you said that you were "dead inside". I was pushed to the edge by my ex-boyfriend..well boyfriend at that time. I didn't realize who i hurt when I tried killing myself. Just seeing my mom and my sister's face killed me when i seen them in the emergency room. It isn't worth it. I still think of killing myself but i just can't live with the fact that my family is never going to be the same if i do go through with it
     
  20. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    Seeing someone who has tried or has committed suicide is one of the saddest things that I've every seen, and its just devasting for the family. I,m really glad your suicide attempt didn't work for you. How are you doing now? Are you seeing a therapist or are you on any meds? Depression is a treatable disease. Living a happy life is possible, although sometimes it takes some medication.
     
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