'scum' please know that I'm legally blind, meaning ill never ever be able to do most things that to everyone else is extremely simple and that they take for granted, including being respected. so with that in mind please read over my post again, because although your intentions are good, most of what you say is contradictory to the facts.
thanks for reading and posting.
Right, I felt totally worthless after you told me my post was useless, so I'm having another go, why? I don't know, but I am.
I have copied and pasted and edited what I put before, but, I have to be honest, not much has changed.
'You say you are going to 'try suicide'. That sentence in itself tells me that you don't really want to die, or don't believe that you will die. If you you were totally intent on killing yourself, then you would probably say something like 'I am going to kill myself', and probably you would not post. You seem to have reached out, for whatever reason. (none of this changes)
Taking an OD is a very slow and painful way to die. Obviously your friend did not die, and did not take enough, so therefore would not suffer as much as he would have done, had he died. I have taken many ODs (not to die) but months and years on, they still bother me, they still cause me pain. It is neither a quick, nor easy way to die, so if you believe it is, then you need a reality check. (None of this has changed)
'don't mean to sound rude but i don't know why I'm posting this, this site isn't going to help me'
That's ok, that's fair enough. Can I ask why you did post? What were you hoping to achieve from it? The site itself won't help. People on the site might suggest things you could do to help yourself, and then whether or not you try ideas is what might help. It has to come from you, and no one else. (none of this has changed)
'they say hold on life will get better, talking about your problems, and whatever else cliché you can pull out of your ass. Thats all fine and dandy, and i wish those statements applied to me, but me? my problems are not fixable'
I'm not going to say any of those cliches, and pulling thigns out of my arse hurts, so I'm not gonna do that either :P But what I will ask is this. Why are your problems not fixable? What are your problems? They might not be fixable, but they could easily be manageable with the right help and support, so do you want to share what is going on for you?
Ok, that is what I wrote before, and I still agree with that to a certain extent. You appear to be grieving for your sight, and for what you could have and want, and that is normal and natural. Have you ever thought about some form of bereavement counselling, or counselling generally to help you see that although you face almighty challenges, you still have many opportunities available to you, it is just finding a way to make them achieveable.
'all i want to do is be understood'
(ok, this bit changes). To want to be understood is totally natural, but no one can fully ever understand you, or what you have been through. Clearly there are people out there that face similar challenges, or different challenges due to the same/similar or different disability, but no one can ever fully understand what goes on for you with relation to that and your mental health illness. But people can relate. What is it you would like people to understand? If you tell us, then we can give our best shot at relating to it. Is it how a visual impairment affects you day to day? Or how your mental illness makes life hard? Or what?
'that no matter how much you change things for me, or make adjustments that you think are going to make me feel better, they will never be good enough'
No one will ever do that, because it has to come from you. The changes have to come from you, and you can keep changing things until you are satisfied, or happy, or functioning better.
Ok, that bit was way off, and I accept that. Clearly there are adjustments that have to be made to make things accessible for you. But I suspect that anything that anyone does to help will never be enough, because 'enough' would be to have vision, to be able to see. As cliched as this is about to sound, you never EVER know what is going on medically, in ten, fifteen, five, years they might find a way to make people with a visual impairment have vision. You can't know. But you can always hold that hope.
'i CANT just simply accept my life and move on, i CANT pretend like theres nothing wrong'
And you shouldn't have to. But what you could do, if you wanted was to look back over the hurt, discuss it with someone, learn that although horrendous things happen to people, it does not have to affect your future or present, you could get some therapy, and that would help to heal the hurt that has been caused to you.
That was also way off too. I do stand by what I first said, and that was that you should not have to just accept life, move on and pretend like there is nothing wrong. It clearly hurts you, you possibly feel hard done by, like life is unfair, like you are missing out, and many other things that are expected. But again, what I will say is that there is a lot of therapy out there that can help you manage your emotions and feelings about this, maybe anger management therapy, or, like I said before, bereavement counselling, or something else. Maybe CBT.
'i will always be depressed because I'm to stupid and childish to come to terms with my life, while there are people out there, my sister included, and can live with this problem, and be mentally healthy'
Depression is not stupid, nor childish, it is an illness, like diabetes. Your sister is lucky to not be mentally ill, but that does not make her any more intelligent or grown up than you. If, for example, someone is fed loads of sugary foods, to an abusive extent, as a child, and then later develops diabetes because of that, that does not make the person stupid or childish, it makes them ill, the same way you are. You clearly feel so totally bad already, you don't need to make yourself feel worse by blaming yourself for an illness. (this has not changed, although I did add one word)
'how am i supposed to be expected to function when I'm like this in the head?'
Do you have any professional support? If you do, does it help and what do you have? If you don't would you consider getting yourself some?
I would have asked those above questions anyway, because I am not clear whether or not you are talking about your mental health issues or your visual impairment.
Being blind should not stop you functioning, sure, it makes thigns a challenge, but most things are achieveable with a bit of effort. People have alreaayd posted pretty inspirational stories about people who have similar problems to you, and that can be you, if you want. But I bet that already you have achieved some things that people didn't think you would do.
'what am i supposed to do if i don't commit suicide?'
You fight for the decent future that you deserve. You don't let the people that have caused you the pain, win, you stand up, fight and show that no matter what has been done to you, you are a better person and thats that.
PRobably none of what I said helped or made a difference, but you posted for a reason, so I gave a response. Maybe it might help, maybe not, but really, it has to come from you.''
Right, I have editted some of it, not much, maybe it might make more sense to you, maybe not, but I tried.