(trigger?) So I went to the dr a few weeks ago, and she wouldn't go any further in my treatment without getting x-rays for my hand/wrist. It was obvious that she really thought that was the issue, a break in my (most likely) wrist that either wasn't healing, or had healed 'wrong'. So I got together the money needed to get it x-rayed, and went in yesterday to do it. I called in today to the dr office (since the imaging place won't discuss my records with me; only with my doctor's office), and after waiting and waiting, one of their assistants called me back and told me 'the results came back and nothing's wrong with your hand'. Nothing wrong? Why does it hurt enough to make me throw up sometimes then? Why am I reduced to having to close my throat to where I'm giving little squeaks of pain (as opposed to howling) after I move heavy things? I wanted to cry when she said that. So I asked if I could get called back by the dr that saw me in the first place, and this woman seemed astonished. 'You want her to call you back??' 'Yes, please, I don't know what to do about my hand and I want to fix whatever's wrong with it.' 'Oh of course, I'll have her return your call at her earliest convenience'. Surprise, no call. Waited and waited and nothing. I'm so discouraged. 'Nothing wrong'. Screw them. What is wrong with my fucking hand????? So I was feeling bitchy and picked a fight with my husband. Politics again. Shit. Seems like all I'm good for anymore is arguing about stuff I can't change anyway. Meh. Anyway.... When I went to see her before, she tried to prescribe me narcotic pain relievers. I don't do pills anymore, not since my last attempt, though I didn't really want to say that to her. But I hate pills. If I had them now, I'd take them, all of them. Actually I'm thinking about that table saw out in the garage. Just going out there and cutting off my fucking hand that has nothing wrong with it. I'm so tired of being in pain, and I was so upbeat about having an easy solution if it were just a simple break that could be fixed with a cast. Now who knows if it could be, or how much it would cost to find out, or....damn. I can't stop crying. Been drinking but I'm not drunk, I'm just so sad and discouraged and I hate not being able to use my dominant hand. I can't even fill out an application. I can't even masturbate. I can't wipe my ass with my right hand. I hate this. I'll put on a happy face tomorrow but underneath, I hate this.