dont be sorry, you havent hurt anyone here!!! we all understand the pain you are going through and any one of us will try our best at any time to help you through your hard times.
just from reading your posts - not the issues in them but from the style they are wrote it looks like you have a mood disorder - which is what i have and is easily treatable. just a couple of mood stabilizers a day and your life will turn around personally. not up and down all the tme.
i know you still have other problems but once you are stable these too can be worked out. dont turn an easy fix into an irreversable situation.
i dont want you to be scarred at such a young age when you are soon to start out on the rest of your life. away from the things you hate. i dont want the pills to damage your organs so you are disabled and in severe pain everyday.
you deserve so much more for yourself!!!
i am truely sorry for the situation you are in and the pain you are suffering!!!
i want to help you as i went through a similar patch at a similar age - i got through it and ended up very happy.