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Good Day(night :p)

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Gunner12, Apr 14, 2008.

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  1. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Good Day

    Hello everyone, I hope you don't mind me jumping right into what I have on my mind. Sorry if this seems pointless and doesn't really fit with this forum(I don't think I'm in a crisis).

    Finally after all these years of thinking, I've finally realized, I'm confused. Not confused about my sexual orientation or if I should die or not(I think I've gotten past that point, my point for life is to help people), but confused as to who I am.

    I've been depressed and had suicidal thoughts, but I somehow always manage to think through them and continue on with life. The feeling still comes back though, there are still times where I wish I was never born or I wished I had a gun.

    I stink at everything I try to do. I can never have a good conversation with anyone. I've gained weight instead of loosing it. I'm not getting the grades I could be getting(currently a junior in High School). I don't have talents. Everything I touch either becomes broken, disassembled, lost, forgotten, or worn out much faster then it should. I stink at all three languages that I remember, two that I should know.

    It's not that I don't have friends, it's just that I feel like a burden to them and I have nothing to contribute. They are nice and such but I can never get into a good conversation and be more accepted. I try to help but my crappy English speaking only seems to make things worse. I try to be outgoing but I never know what to say.

    Not many people make fun of may anymore though. Well, not that I know of.

    Many places say that in order for me to be more social, just be "yourself". What is this "yourself"? Where is it? How could I find one?

    I also have sudden urges to lash out, to break people's necks, to slice them or stab them with what every I have in my hand. This is to people I love. I don't know what's wrong with me. Many things in my room have stab marks, holes, burns, cuts and so on. I have a feeling that if someone does manage to push me off the edge someone will die. I don't know how to release this bottled up anger so that people don't get hurt and I don't end up destroying myself.

    I was wondering, is there any way you can help with finding this elusive "yourself"?

    Thanks to anyone who actually read all that.(sorry that it was so long)

    I also apologize if this belongs somewhere else.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2008
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    Re: Good Day

    welcome to the forum :hug:
  3. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Well maybe finding your elusive self is not always a good thing...or maybe it is but it may bring up a lot of things you'd rather not. Maybe that doesn't make sense to you. I dunno! But in many ways I can relate to what you've said.

    Welcome to the forum!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :welcome:
  5. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone!
  6. Corieh Infected

    Corieh Infected Well-Known Member

    I hope you like it here, it's a great place. =)

    Welcome. <3
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum :smile:
  8. Dying_Dreams

    Dying_Dreams Well-Known Member

    Hiya and welcome to the forum!
  9. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    Welcome!! :hug:
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Re: Good Day

    :welcome: to SF :grouphug:
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