I'm very new to this whole idea and haven't really taken much of a look around yet. However, here goes (takes a deep breath). My name actually is Johnny and I am English (hmmmm .... do I reveal too much?). I've spent 40 years on this earth and have had a pretty good time all things considered. I've spent much of my time lurching from one scrape to another and have generally emerged the other side while not smelling of roses, at least in one piece and still standing. But recently, things are piling up and I really can't see a way out of the other end. I'm a liar, a thief, a cheat, an adulterer and really an all round bad 'un. Forgive the light hearted style of this post, it's just my way of coping with me (and it's worked so far). I'm very deeply in debt and am hiding it from my wife. I've splurged most terribly on the credit cards, taken out a loan to pay 'em off, splurged again, taken out another loan, splurged again, etc. etc. Now this has all caught up with me and, although I'm taking advice on this and am trying to work out a plan to pay it all off, I really don't think this is going to work out as (next thing) I've just lost my job. I have little chance of finding another job that will pay as well so I have no idea how I will meet my commitments. My wife knows nothing of this and I really daren't tell her as (I'm sure) that would be the last straw for her and she'd leave me. She should leave me as I'm also a serial adulterer. I should mention that she's done absolutely nothing to deserve this other than to be a poor judge of character and agreeing to marry me. She's an excellent wife and looks after me wonderfully, she rarely tries to tie me down and seems happy with my company. We don't have children as neither of us really have the space in our lives for that. Even as I type, I'm looking forward to seeing a lovely young lady tomorrow. I've callously taken her into my life. She deserves far better than me, but I know she won't even look at another chap while I'm around. I wish she would to be honest because I don't have the fortitude to end it myself (and I do feel a lot for her) but I know she won't. She loves me deeply and is really putting her life on hold for me. She's young enough to move on, but I guess that's in the future. This would devastate my wife if she ever found out. But there have been many others and I guess there would be many more should I carry on living long enough. One of my problems is that I have absolutely no-one to talk to. I've spent all my life building up a 'strong' persona. I'm the one that people talk to about their problems, I'm the one with all the 'common dog' who can give people answers, I'm the one with all the advice (aren't other people's problems easy to solve?). All this means that I really can't discuss my problems without letting this facade slip, I daresay it will have to slip eventually, but I don't think I want to be around to experience that. I do hold a public position and the fall of my facade would damage the organisation that I represent so publicly. I hold this organisation very close to my heart and hope to minimise this damage. So there it is, the bare bones of me. I don't ask for sympathy, I'm the architect of my own doom and (if I'm honest) I've enjoyed every minute I've spent getting into this mess. I'm even enjoying digging myself in deeper even though I know the end is approaching. I found this forum while searching for practical advice on how to do the final deed and maybe my tale will help someone. I really don't know?