Good idea or really really bad idea?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by jameslyons, May 21, 2009.

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  1. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    Cutting isn't all. Neither is talking about it. So I've had this new idea pop into my head and I'm not sure if it's a good idea or just the penultimate self-destructive idea; recreating the incident.

    Perhaps initiating a similar incident will leave me with some sense of control. The flip side is that it may just reinforce negative ideas I have of myself. Any ideas?
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You mean actually recreating it? I'd say that's definitely a bad idea. Then you'd have two incidents on your hand to move through. To go back through it mentally is even dangerous, and would only be a good idea if you were with a professional.
    Just my opinion. To each their own though.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    James, we've had fairly constant contact over the few months I've been here and I know enough that what brought you here was incredibly traumatic (to say the least).

    Then on top of it, you've got the manner in which you deal with the trauma.

    Regardless of whether I knew you or not, I would strongly suggest you do not try and recreate the incident. I don't see any positive outcome from it.
    As you know I'm not an expert by any means, but I just don't see how reinforcement of that kind of event can help in any way. It may, in fact, cause additional harm.

    If you want to discuss privately you know I am always available. Keeping your best interests close to my heart:

  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :sad:it might make you feel in control, but thing is.....there's a good chance you'll re-experience the awfulness of the first event afterwards. i used to renact for years through so many different ways, without even being aware of what i was doing and i'd be dying.

    if you're going through a flashback and feeling out of control and want to re-enact, maybe writing your fantasies down might help (it helped me a lot) or you could go through the inital trauma in your head and try and soothe and protect yourself and remind yourself it's not your fault that what happened to you happened. i know that this may be difficult when you've been cutting and harming yourself for so long.

    try and treat yourself gently.
  5. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    My gut feeling is that it would be incredibly BAD...

    Reliving the incident(s) with a caring person helping you realize that it is in the past not the present is what has helped me. Try to find alternate ways to express the pain without harm to yourself. Talk about it with your therapist -write it out - use art to express it - beat the pillows on your bed - do anything but hurt yourself.

    Cutting helps to release that pain that is hidden and unable to be brought is so strong a pull and yet such a reflection of the self-hatred the monsters who did this to you have instilled within you. I know the feeling - I've done it - and the draw to repeat gets stronger every time. Please don't let the monsters win!

    Simply reliving it through flashbacks and suffering alone makes matters worse. The key is, you don't have to suffer alone with this anymore...reach out and SCREAM if you have to.

    I can't imagine that re-enacting it would help...but rather re-traumatize. You don't need that. I wish I could take away the pain - write out the story...list all the feelings you have...

    Please don't hurt yourself anymore - haven't you been hurt enough?

  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    Thanks everybody for your insightful comments. After a couple days I agree with the rest of you; it would be a miserable idea to go through with any sort of recreation.
  7. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I'm glad you decided against it. I feel the same way as everybody would be a bad idea. Not sure what it is what you would be recreating but obviously it was bad and you shouldn't put yourself through it a second time.
  8. Rene

    Rene Member

    Hi James,
    I am new to this forum and don't know you or your story. And you don't know mine. But I just wanted you to know I had the very same idea earlier this year. You are not the only one who has thought this idea might help you. And yes, for me too it was all about trying to regain some sense of control.

    Basically I am here because of two incidents--one that occurred 10 and a half years ago and another last year. The incident last year happened at the hands of a so-called friend. I won't go into details here because I am only responding to your post--not declaring my story. But in short, the incident of last year has put me in emotional hell and stripped me of all self-confidence and left me feeling completely powerless. Earlier this year I got it into my head thatit might help me to contact the "friend" who had hurt me and request that we "do that night over."

    I did get in touch with him, but by the time we finally met up I had realized this was a bad idea, and my meeting with him was more of a confrontation. (I don't know if that was a good idea either.) Even after that meeting (a couple months ago) I still clung to the idea of somehow recreating or doing the incident over--so that I could regain some control. In the meantime, I foolishly kept corresponding with my "friend," who kept wanting me to forgive him and renew our friendship. He kept wanting "us" to "try and work something out." He was very vague though on what this meant. Basically he is an extremely manipulative person and just wanted me to let him off the hook and say that what he did was OK. And this is the problem with the idea of re-creating or doing the incident over. This person did what he did to me out of his need for control. There is no chance of him ever relinquishing some of that control to me--even if we tried recreating the incident under circumstances that seemed to give me more control, I know he would somehow manipulate that sense of control away from me. And that would mean me being victimized all over again. I am no longer corresponding with that "friend."

    But this idea of yours, and of mine, is actually pretty common. (I realize you may not have been considering recreating the incident with the same person/people, like I was, but we are thinking along the same lines.) I am in therapy now and my therapist has said many of her clients express the same wish--"if only I could do that night (or day, etc.) over." No, it is not a good idea, as everyone else here has said. But you are not the only one out there who has considered it. You're not alone. I just wanted you to know that.
  9. evilperson

    evilperson Well-Known Member

    Hi James.

    I got an idea like that once too. My ingenius idea was to go through with almost everything, but recreate the ending....change the ending......make it okay. Well, I did change the ending.......THAT time.........but it just gave me a sense of grief that that was the ONLY time I could change the ending (so obviously you get that I was putting myself in a risky situation with a completely different person or the ending would have being pretty bad putting it mildly).......I could not go back and undo the past. For the three days after it I didn't know what exactly was going on or what time exactly I was living in. Then I attempted suicide.

    Thus I learned: recreating the event is a BAD idea.
  10. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I had a similar idea, but decided against it. Glad that you did too. :hug:
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I would say..bad idea. I'm glad you've decided against it too.
    Try and search for healthier ways to cope such as therapy, I hope you feel better soon James.
    You can PM me anytime, you're not alone. :hug:
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