It's 4:14AM where I'm at right now. Made an attempt much earlier in the night after trying to go for a length of time without medication. (I've since realized that is not an option for me.) Afterward, I needed a place to come where I'd be surrounded by people who understand suicidal thoughts and attempts completely. People who have experienced the maddening then numbing descent into worthlessness. I have a few good friends who know of my previous struggle with depression and suicide. But many others would literally think I was insane if it ever came to light that this was my problem. Though I don't blab about my depression, it's also not something I think I should consider a "secret." Rationally, many people deal with this illness. It should not be an embarrassment. But, for some reason, to me it is. I feel deficient because I can't "think straight." Even the fact that depression is labeled as an "illness" only exemplifies the way in which I am not "normal." (And what is "normal," many ask...) I know this is self-perception, but encouragement and support is always needed on both ends. So, I hope to meet some of you in all this. Feel free to send me a message if you're ever nearing the end of your rope, and you see my sn floating around!