P
Well, tonight I got a phone call from my step mom, Peggy, and I missed it. I ended up calling her back soon after that, thinking that there was something wrong, or she had her news about my brother who is missing right now. First thing she said to me was "We're having the grandbaby tonight." I thought "oh shit, something happened to Lacey and they have to have the baby now". She said that Lacey is up at the hospital now, and she's in labor, having pretty good contractions and she will have the baby tonight. Thing is, the baby isn't due till 13 August. Also, Lacey hasn't been taking care of herself until recently, when my step mom started making her go to her appointments, etc telling her that she wasn't gonna kill her grandson. I'm very glad that Peggy cares so much, to make sure that Lacey is going to her appointments and that she is healthy, but I'm still very confused. My cousin Kayla had her baby girl only 5 days early, on 4 July, and she is a very beautiful, healthy baby girl. I wasn't able to be there, because she's in Texas, and I'm in Pennsylvania, with no ability to travel very far. I was just given the exciting news through a text from my aunt. Anyways, the point of this whole post is..I'm not sure how I should feel. I mean, I'm happy for both of them, that they're having babies and doing what they want, getting what they want out of life, but at the same time I'm scared, nervous, and most of all ENVIOUS! I'm not sure how many of you know, but I had a baby boy, Jaxxon, who was born at 27 weeks, and he didn't make it. That is my main reason for feeling all of these things, but I'm not even sure I have the right to feel this was. I told my girlfriend that I wanted another baby, the day that my cousin had her baby. She told me I wasn't ready, which I am well aware of, but it's just they stupid "baby bug" and I told her I think it'll go away with time, but now my brother's girlfriend is having her baby too!! I'm sooo jealous of both of them, because they get to keep their babies. They get to see their children grow up, and learn, etc. I don't get that! I just want someone else's opinion..do I have any right to feel the way I do? Should I even voice these feelings to anyone else? Help? Please?! :unsure:
