Good ol' depression aye?

Ok... So this is my first type of thread like this that ive made here, infact prob my only thread apart from the welcome one so if it sounds mixed up/confusing then ya know why? I suppose.

Ok so ive suffered with depression for about 4+ years but only been diagnosed with it for 4 nearly 5 years acted on suicidal thoughts and all that, then i finally feel a bit better but the last year? I think. have started to feel worse ive had a phsyciatrist before and didnt like it never want one again i dont feel comftable talking to them people but my moods are really horrible at the moment i hate feeling like it i hate fighting this everyday i feel like im being suffocated and just wanna scream for someone to get me out of this huge hole it feels like ive fallen in so deep i dont even see the light no more. i dunno whether to ask my docs for anti depressants again as the first time had a bad experience on them any advise on them? im really not keen on taking them but i feel like if i dont get help now then my depression will only get worse like before, but im 100% against talking to a pshyciatrist, and most of the people around me dont understand so i dont talk to them and the ones i can talk to are in different countries and have lives of their own so ive stopped talking about it to them its kinda like ive just stopped myself from being able to talk to the people who helped me in past with it i dunno why i just lock up now and cant tell many people.

anyway i wont bore u with more so ill leave it at that..