Whenever something seemingly good happens to me it always ends up making my life worse. For example, I can never make good friends and when i do meet someone to hang out with its always somw shady untrustworthy character. Like i'd been hanging out with some drug dealer lately but last week he took my car without asking, to sell drugs out of. Well lo and behold he gets pulled over and my car gets seized by the police. and i cant get it back because it was used as an accesory to a crime. so now im out 1500 dollars (yes it was a piece of shit car, but still...). Also, i recently had the chance to lose my virginity. This is something id been hoping for but thought would never happen. It seemed like something good was finally happening to me, but no... I couldnt get hard. and i was a totally clumsy oaf besides that. I could go on and on about how things always make my life worse. I hate it so much. I hate my life so much. Ive been sitting here for like an hour staring into the barrel of what could be my violent salvation from this pain. but i cant work up the nerve to pull that damn trigger. It seems my mind has this nasty habit of wanting to live. I hate myself with a passion unrivalved by anything else ive ever felt.