Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dying_inside, Oct 18, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    I am so tired of these ups and downs. in know thats life but im so sick of it all.

    changes, moving, comparisons, failures, disappointments, rejections, break up, losses.... family problems, sexual identity doubts, loneliness, shame and so on.

    i have 3 fundamental coping skills that helped me though: self harm, alcohol and pills. i know they are not healthy but they work. and its ok with me. occasionally i use the forums to get a little push to help me through and i hate it but i use binge eating too.

    i have also found the strenght to try to do something new, different, i have tried to "enjoy" life. maybe as a distraction.

    i dont know how, i managed to deal with a lot more than i thought i could take these last months.


    IF SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS, ITS GOOD, because it feels good. IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS, ITS GOOD, because maybe it will give me the strenght to end it all.

    this way though whatever i feel should be good and its like i dont allow myself to feel my real feelings. am i making any sense here?

    right now everything is falling apart. in spite of all my efforts. and im getting closer to sui ideations again.

    i dont even know why im posting. maybe because im feeling overwhelmed and would like someone to know im not doing good (which should be good, right?).

    am i crazy?
    thanks for reading.
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Good? I know what you mean, Life all those ups and downs I'm sick of them too and wow I certainly don't have Your Coping Skills, nor do I think they are what you think they are, but again what do I know I've been here 6 days. but yeah, I didn't only try enjoying life, I really did, not as a distraction. Not Kidding, I've been around the world. The only continent I haven't been on is Australia, I really would like to but it's certainly not on my priority list. I also thought I could deal with anything, was i really kidding myself. but Good Is Good and Bad Is Bad you know the difference. I think You know why your posting..... I think i do too but do I? If you reach out a hand in here for Help some One is going to offer you theirs.
    I think That's Good.... You Are Here.

    Are You Crazy? I don't know. I may be the crazy one so Even if i say yes or no it won't matter. You are going to accept it......or Not!
  3. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    True-Lee, thanks, i enjoyed reading your post and you said lots of true things.

    sometimes though it doesnt feel like what is conventionally good is really good for me. and often what is conventionally bad, doesnt feel bad for me.

    i just wish things were more stable. getting all these highs and lows is confusing and stressing more than it could be getting only the lows.

    im just sick and tired i guess.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.