Goodbye but maybe this is the end for me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by butterflies32, Jul 20, 2008.

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  1. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Those of you that have read my poem and other thread will know that life is a lie for me. I live under a disguise that often is not shown. I cannot do this any more so I guess it is time to just leave this world.

    I can't cope any more. I want to be able to feel the peace that I deserve. I don't want to fight anymore. wish for strength and courage but I am weak to accept it. I have hit a low part of my life. Maybe I am not ment to die...maybe tonight is the night. Maybe I just give up with life in general and cannot afford to buy anymore strength.

    Thank you all who has helped me recently...you have been amazing but I can not constantly lean on you. You all no who you are.

    Sam
    xxx
     
  2. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    please be safe hun x we all love you xx
     
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Thanks but I think you have got the end of the stick. Being safe is not on my agenda.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You may continue to lean on the members of this forum if it means it keeps you safe. I know things are difficult for you and you are weary of the constant fight. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take it all away, but I can't do that and neither can you. That means you need to continue to work toward better days. You don't have to live a lie. Please stay safe. :hug:
     
  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Thank you gentle lady. things are so hard and a majic wand would be great or a chance to re live the whole of my life again without the bad bits.

    I just feel lost coz I do not want to burden people. Although I know there are a couple of people who have told me that I am not. I am trying to stay I am just too scared to.

    Thank you.
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If you are that set on ending it. You need to go to the emergency room and let them know you are suicidal and you can't hold it back anymore. Make sure you tell them everything. Even better write down everything and give it to them to read. I hope you will do this. You have alot of people here who are your friends...:chopper:
     
  7. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I am too scared to go. I don't know if I can do that. I am a uni student if I go to Emergency then they will stop me from going to uni.

    I feel so drained.

    :blub:
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Strange how our minds can work. You say you are afraid to go to the emergency because they will stop you from going to uni. Well, if you harm yourself, you won't be going either. I am not sure seeking help would stop you from going. You may miss some time depending onwhat happens, but you may be able to get a medical deference if it was an extended period of time. Often when you seek help it is only a few days until they are sure you are safe. Don't let that fear stop you. It would be better than having you end your life. Please continue to come here and let us support you through this rough time. We do care about what happens to you. :hug:
     
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have been to the ER 3 times in similar circumstances. it is scary, yes, but in some ways it is a relief to be there knowing for a few hours at least they will keep you safe. most of the time when you see a psychiatrist it can be really rushed (when you go to the outpatient clinic). at the ER they take their time and really try to understand you. at least that was my experience. just consider it as one option that is available to you. when you are desperate and suicidal it seems like there are no options left except to take your life. but that's a lie. we are here for you. the ER is available to you. you could even call the hotline. you just need to take that brave step and reach out for some extra help. everyone needs extra help from time to time.
     
  10. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    Please dont go just yet, there are people in the virtual, and in the reality to help you.
    If you dont feel safe, I would take strangers advice and go to the A&E (ER) and keep yourself safe, because you are a inspiring girl, i read your poetry, it is really creative, although emotion lead you to right it.

    Take Care

    PM me whenever x

    Xx Sky xX
     
  11. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    It is funny how we think. I also say I don't tell my husband my thoughts and fears because I don't want to stress him out, yet he would be a lot more stressed if I did it. Or I don't want to go to hospital because then work will find out, and I could lose my job, but if I am dead well then I don't have to worry. It can be so hard to ask for support, I just can't do it.
     
  12. Bagpuss18

    Bagpuss18 Well-Known Member

    Right honey, listen up... As on your other thread, seven lucky bullet points (hey - I'm Wiccan - I do things the spiritual way!)...

    1) Like GentleLady says... You won't be going to Uni if you commit suicide.
    2) You DO NOT burden me. I've noticed that people who feel burdened walk away from people in distress. We're not walking away - so...
    3) (here's where everyone is going to think i am this huge selfish cow - but im not actually saying it for my own sake, but for the sake of butterflies32) : you know how much i'm struggling right now - so don't give me another thing to deal with honey. What am i meant to do without you?
    4) If you feel unsafe - GO TO A+E. Hey - you're not in Uni until September, so...
    5) Focus on getting to go back to Uni, which you won't do if you're not here. Focus on that - that is what you are living for.
    6) Keep posting and venting on here. If you don't want it publicly viewable there is any number of people who will happily offer you their PM box or email box. Myself included.
    7) As a Wiccan... "Blessed be"

    Don't leave me fighting on my own honey.

    mj

    x x x x
     
  13. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Hey,

    I still want to end it even though I am still here.

    I can't promise bagpuss...I know you need me but I feel like such a bad friend at the moment. Here you are struggling and I am being selfish and unable to help you. I wish I could.

    To the rest...I am so scared. I am scared of the ER wot they will do. Anyone can just turn up and say I am really suicidal and I reckon they will just laugh at me and turn me away. An attention seeker they will think. I am rubbish and shit at everything inc. friendship.

    People will eventually learn to cope without me but I am trying to stay alive for your sake. It is so hard and I am always disappointed and upset that I have woken up in the morning.

    I seem to be no good at anything. The poetry is a fluke something that I didn't even think about as I wrote it.

    I am not even being a supportive site buddy although I am trying to be.

    I can't think of anything positive and wonder if in patient is for me but I have no idea how to make people see that I am serious enough to be admitted.

    I can't cope. Why can't I die.

    Thank you all so much for your kind words. I will take each one to consideration and think about them. I am sorry for being so negative.

    Sam
    xx
     
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