Goodbye, dear friend.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by UnfinishedFairytale, Jun 7, 2010.

  1. Recently, not to death, I lost a friend.. Well, a month or two ago. The pain still surfaces, remembering a three year friendship. We laughed, we cried, we were like the sister neither of us had; closer than blood could put us it seemed.

    But, behind her mask was a selfish disaster. For those three years, I put aside all the things she did that hurt me when she thought of herself. I put aside my problems, to aide her in any pain she had, from her problems. I put aside my feelings, and said sorry even when I did nothing. I had given her more chances than I had given anyone in my life; whether it be family, or love, or friend. She meant the world to me, she knew it too. But, someone walked into our lives.. a liar, a cheat, a scumbag, a bitch; someone who we both fell for sadly enough, before we knew all this. She made a choice to be with someone else, telling me this was her chance to show she wasn't selfish; so that I could be with them. She told me I had to, for her. So, I did. Then, she became distant, deleted me off things; pulled back, acted as if the friendship was over. When I finally confronted why she would throw our friendship away for such a silly thing, she told me that she didn't; I should have just asked. She told me, if I had acted that way, it wouldn't have even crossed her mind; I knew her well enough to know, that was a lie.

    We didn't go back to talking after that, in fact things got worse.. She started talking about me behind my back, not completely nasty; but, surely nothing nice. In the end, the person I was with; whom said they h a t e d her. Went back to her, as 'best friends', the same day they broke things off with me. That person, also lied about who they were; I won't get into how. I would have accepted had they told me, but I later learned it from a mutual friend of ours who now doesn't talk to me either.

    In the end , I lost a mutual friend; a good friend [the ex]; & a best friend, a sister. I know it's for the best, I know I did nothing wrong when I look over all the events. & Though I feel at times that I want to, & should cry.. I can't. I can't bring myself to do so. I wish she would call, I wish she would write, say something, do something.. Just to prove that our friendship meant something to her, even only a little bit. I won't go back, I won't. I just want to hear her apologize, or at the least say she misses me. Is that pathetic, or too much to ask ? I surely hope not.

    & outloud, or to my current friends; I shall never admit that I miss her. Not a once. I can't do it, hell.. I can't even seem to admit it to myself really. But, just this once, I'll admit it. I miss those times, I miss those laughs, those smiles; that friendship, that girl.