God. you had such a devilish smile but you wreaked such havoc on me angelic havoc old Testament style. Don’t touch me there. My desire love call it what you will makes me transparent. You’ve got to know what you’re doing to me. I wrap myself around your little finger wind myself around you in contours of prayer twist myself around wrap you around me so deeply I lose myself a little again. Everywhere you’re everywhere in me around me. Wish I knew what you wanted from me. There’s really no question that you can have it all could’ve. Too late. It pains me to sit in this room. I can still hear you. I loved the way you talked the way you formed words the power you had to open that mouth and make me see. I can still see you wrapped in my cheap blanket making a surprise for me leaning against the wall behind my bed laughing with that sound that broke my heart. I can still feel your arms around my neck the brief warmth of a kiss the press of your leg against mine the heat of your breath on my neck the familiar way you pushed my hair out of my eyes. I can still smell you something sweet and musty the lingering flavor in the air of stale cigarette smoke. I’m so bad at goodbyes. I didn’t mean to cry didn’t want you to see how much you meant to me. I didn’t want to let you this far in.