Dear suicide forum, I do not have a reason to write this, I simply want my feelings to be read. I have come to the decision to end my life very soon. The main reason being a constant failure in my life. I’ve tried to commit suicide several times before, I came closest some thirteen years ago and to this day I regret that I’ve been disturbed and not strong enough to proceed. Last few months were only growing depression. My failure comes from a certain level of standards I’ve set for myself and I was not able to achieve. I’m simply not successful enough and when I’m not successful I’m not happy. When I’m not happy everything goes bad. I’ve had enough time to create a different path for myself or set a different set of goals but I failed to do so, as I don’t believe I can be any different person. I’ve failed university and my job as well. People around me show appreciation of my personality only if I successful (I understand it, it’s a competitive world...). This has cost me all the people I thought were friends. Whenever I tried to talk to any of them about my issues I never heard from that person again. I’ve had several nice relationships but they all end when I reach this “down” point as nobody wants to be with a depressed person with low confidence. My parents do not understand things I call “problems” and professional help has not brought any support. If you want to say that there are many things to live for, I can assure you I am healthy, tall, somewhat handsome person with a nice smile and a great sense of humor but those are definitely not things I try to live for. After all these months nothing interests me anymore, no tv shows, nothing on internet, no hobbies, no sports and neither do relationships or love. I’ve tried to have a active life and all of those things brought me nothing. I understand that many of you will see my problems as inferior to others, but everybody has his own demons to fight. If there was an opportunity to change my life with someone else I would gladly do so, unfortunately this is not possible. I do not blame society or anybody as I am well aware that I am the problem and I carry it inside me. I also thought about completely changing my life and disconnecting from everybody, and to certain extent I’ve done that – I changed countries, friends, jobs, but my core has never changed and I always ended up in the same point. I have fought long and hard in the past but never won. I know life gets much harder than this, but I’m not going to wait and see. I am aware I will feel no relief when my life ends, but I will not feel failure. I have made up my mind and I just wanted to say a goodbye.