Hi Alison,
I know your hurting a lot right now and I wish it would all go away and you'd just wake up and everything would be better. That's the general idea behind most suicide plans... that life would stop therefore the hurting would stop, the people, the situations, all the things that oiverwhelm us would go away, all the feelings would go away.. we would be free. THIS IS NOT TRUE.
THIS IS A BELIEF. My dad believes we never made it to the moon, that the whole thing was filmed on earth, etc. BELIEF is not TRUTH.
The whole damn thing just gets so overwhelming, so painful, so hopeless and we feel so helpless.. like it's going to happen anyway sooner or later, or like no one really will care anyway, or they'll all understand in the end because of all the pain we were having. The mind finds a thousand reasons to justify what we want. WHAT WE WANT!
But really WHAT YOU WANT IS PEACE. You want to stop hurting, to stop having to face the same misery and trials your facing, for some kind of justice and some long awaited poayback for all thats gone wrong. DEATH is not now, nor has aver been, the answer.
(I'm not dead.. how do I know?) The same way you know. you just know. And we've seen the pain left in others, have felt that pain. Suicidal thinking is a compulsive thought searching for peace. The mind begins to believe that peace is reachable in death, it's not.
How do we reach peace!?? Isn't that the better question? How do we learn to love our life, love ourselves, become free of depression and anxiety and ENJOY LIFE?
Just one day at a time. One happy moment, one peaceful moment, one good situation, one bad situation, one moment of despair, one moment of grief, one moment of emotional torment, one moment of unexplainable joy. Because the moments change and so do the feelings, thoughts and situations.
THEY CHANGE! With depression like we have we have to actually Look for a Make those changes sometimes, and it's hard. I know its so very hard. But if your reading this, then your on the internet. I want you to surf the net on the following topic: puppies. What is that one topic that for you makes you crack a smile.. they're so cute or its so beautiful or they're so nice. YOU WILL FEEL DIFFERENTLY.
One moment at a time. Please don't leave us. :cheekkiss: :hug: :flowers: