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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, Nov 23, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    My heart is broken past repair. My eyes are dry from the tears I won't allow myself to cry. My life was denied,I've already gone. My soul left me here trapped by fear.

    I keep trying to find what's lost, but i'm so unsure what it is i'm actually looking for. So tired, no motivation to live, can't escape the past its there when I'm awake and when I sleep.

    I've stopped living, I'm just waiting. Nobody comes near, no arms keep me safe, scared I'll containment them, or maybe everyone is just scared of me. ppl around me but I feel so alone & confused.

    What it is I need to keep me here I don't know maybe its now time to let go and tell you all I tried, I love you, but now its goodbye.

    Over 200 prescription tablets saved, nothing can help me now. i'm passed the line. there is no other escape from this life, there's no temporary escape from reality. i need a permanant escape. take care x
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    lost child:sad:

    please DON'T.

    Please come into chat so we can talk. Throw away the pills. You dont have to do this..I hope you are okay.
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    ty daisy chain for the offer but I can't talk anymore.
  4. starry01

    starry01 Member

    Lostchild I might not know you but I care. I understand the dark place you're in so you're not alone. I know it isn't the same but I'm sending cyber hugs and if I was in the same room as you I'd offer a real one. I really hope you're ok hun - please don't do this there are ways of living. :sad:
  5. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i know how difficult things can be, and the feeling of being alone is awful, but you dont need to do this huni, :hug: please be ok.. here if u need to talk...
  6. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    I think I know how hard it is for you....I am there too...just hang on.
  7. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Jody, dont do this. We've been through it more than once and you can make it you just need time and we cant buy time, we need to be patient. YOU CAN MAKE IT hun.

    PM ME i'm waiting for you. Lets talk it over hun. I dont know if you added messenger to your pc, if you did add me and lets talk. my msg is

    Just dont do anything drastic in that state of mind you are tonight. Call me or pm me but lets talk ok?

    Love you girl xox
    granny sends you a big hug and lots of love
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    No prob hun, Im here if you change your mind, stay safe :hug:
  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I have tried talking. I've no spupport from my counsellor caue she abadoned me. i walked away from the new person that replaced her. There is nothing. My neices & Nephew I love more than anything and i hate to think i'm hurtting them, my heart feels crushed when I think of them so I cna't. I can't think of them forget it. I can't.

    what else is there to do? Wait another hour, anoter 12 hours, 24 hours, 2 days, wait for what becuase nothing is chnging. I've waited long enough for just something to change, just a small change, and nothing time doesn't heal, time waits for nobody.
  10. dolfinka

    dolfinka Member

    are you still here, lostchild?you took the words out of my mouth, it's just i promised someone not to go out voluntarily... i'd love to talk to you because of the way you feel and i feel, please do come back, if you can, ok?
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't do this Jody. You're a survivor and have come very far. Please don't give up now. Please don't overdose on those pills. :hug:
  12. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    Lost Child

    I'm an old man whose never met you and I'm frightened you will do this
    really fucking frightened
    and I fucking hate the man that's brought you to this moment

  13. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I am still here but not for much longer, I promised I would wait 24 hours to see if I feel any different, 12 hours have passed and I don't. In the next 12 hours I would have kept my promise and tried but I don't see that the way I feel will change. I've slept for 2 hours andbut my mind, body has died.

    I can't can't live with memories, with the pain, the torture, the way I feel about myself, the way I have to look at myself and reminded, the words that still hurt. each minute is getting worse.
  14. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    aah Lost Child

    this such a sadness,
    I so hope you live to see that miserable shit that has done this to you go to gaol.
    I hope he goes to gaol for a very long time.
    I so hope you find something within yourself that gives you hope.
    Something that lets you feel the warmth of life within you.
    I am so frightened for you

    *I can't can't live with memories, ..... the way I have to look at myself*
    when you look at yourself you should see courage, more courage than I've ever had to find in my life
    when you look at yourself you should see beauty - true beauty, not necessarily the prettiness we so often confuse with beauty (though you may well see this also)
    when you look at yourself you should see some one that's helped and inspired me to understand at least in part a young person who was friend to me last year
    I hope sometime that you look at yourself and see these things

  15. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    he won't go to prison though, that's just it...he's escape the law once before I can prove it, pm me if you want the link...it tells you everything about him. he's nasty and the police won't do anything. so he can roam free why i sit here now in pain from what in done, emotional and physical pain. there isn't any hope left. My "counsellor" didn't want to know and now she knows I want to die, and I will take my own life because death doesn't scare me, dying doesn't scare me she wants to talk. Why don't people listen before you get to where I am now, I shouted, i screamed and everybody literally ran away...so now...now its over, they want to care, its too late though.
  16. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    jody, he may not go to gaol, sometimes life just sucks, isn't fair. But this time I hope good things happen and he goes away for a very long time.

    I have to be away from home for the next 2 days, I won't be home until late tomorrow night. If you change your mind and decide to stay, please let me know. Either PM me or post here. I will be thinking of you, worrying about you

  17. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Jody this is not over yet. Lets wait the hearing and see what happends. In the meantime look after yourself. It is never too late to get the helped so long searched for. Embrace this help and let them help you.

    Lots of love. You are in my prayers Jody. :hug:
  18. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    This time may just be different Jody. Hold on until after things have been completed. I know it feels hopeless at this time and the memories are brutal to live with. You need to remember that they are memories and are not the present, nor are they the future. Try to do your best to live in the moment-the here and now. It is hard work to do this I know. I struggle with the same for myself. You are a survivor. You have proven this already. :hug:
  19. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i dont know you.. but i relate so much to what you have been thorugh and so do others. please dont let the fucker that did this to you win by you destroying yourself. you have dignity and you can heal through this with the right help. contact rainn please they specialise in abuse stuff and do some good work. talk to people on here please. death is a very final solution and you are so young. a lot of us here have been where you are. we can help you even if it is just by craing and understanding. you have a whole life to live which could contain much joy, you just cannot see it now. please take the leap of faith that things can get better... do it minute by minute if you have to. the world needs decent people in it or the bastards win and become majority. please let us know you are ok.

  20. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I am still here, I have somehow managed to stop myself doing any harm. I've spoken to a friend and she's going to contact a the "professionals" and tell them how bad things are, I'm not sure that it will help, but if I try at least nobody can say I just gave up. I do want to see justice, but I know deep down that CPS (Crown prosecution services) will say that either he's told old now, it happened to long ago, or there's not enough evidence. I'm stuck in quick sand and being pulled further down, suffocating and I don't know what else to do.

    I can't say that I will be here tomorrow, or even tonight, but at the moment I'm here. I've now come to carry the supplies with me, which I know is dangerous as in a second I could end my life, or as I was told murder myself. sorry
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