Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DARKANG3L, Sep 8, 2009.

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    DARKANG3L Member

    Hi guys

    I am new here, my first post.
    My son is in hospital, been in hospital for a while now with the Swine flu that is going around. He is 1 1/2years old now. He is such a beautiful boy and I love him so much.
    The doctors have pretty much tried to prepare me for the worst, he's on life support in ICU.
    I've dealt with .. well I dunno if you can say "dealt". I've gone through depression for so many years now, ever since I was 12.
    It got better for a while, when I had many people around me, when I knew people cared.
    But now, it seems no one cares anymore. I know I have my Mum, and my son.. (who may not make it) but that's all I have.
    I guess I have been looking for someone to "Care", someone to talk to in a few weeks now and I haven't found anyone.

    Tonight is a really lonely night for me, I have had 2 panic attacks in the last 4 hours and I have the worst headache. I can't seem to sleep though. It is so lonely in this house all by myself and it seems to get like this every Tuesday.

    Anyway, I wrote my letter, my goodbye letter. I have been reading it over and over ever since I wrote it.
    I know what I am going to do, and how to do it, but I guess I just wanted to confirm the fact that there is absolutely no one out there that cares anymore. Of course, what am I expecting by posting on here? You all don't know me, so I don't see how you all possibly should or would care..
    I am just done now I think, I am lost. I am lonely. I am miserable. All I have wanted to do for the past week is talk to someone, but no one has the time.

    It's ok though, how many people live in this world? So many people are born and die every day, I guess I am just another.
    I don't know why I am posting here, I guess just to .. "Vent" if you would like to call it that.

  2. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    Welcome to SF.. glad that you posted.. I could not imagine being in your position.

    I wont fill you with crap like 'it will all get better' because I doubt even the people who say that believe it.

    None the less I have found it helpful being part of things here on sf.. mostly chat but trying to get more into this forum posting business.

    I hope you share more.
  3. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    I dont know what to say to you that will help so i'll just say hello and welcome and you're in my thoughts,
  4. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hi welcome to sf

    im sorry you find yourself in such a difficult place at the moment and am sending best thoughts and love to you and your son. people here do care about each other and please keep posting :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Sandy,

    Welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry to hear about your son, I hope he will recover promptly.

    So many people are born and die every day, I guess I am just another.

    To your family, you aren't just another :hug: Please hold on for them at least x
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hold on to hope the doctors have to prepare you for the worst but hang in thereokay. Your son needs to have you strong and well for him. Hold him and talk to him alot. Read him his very story He will need to hear his mothers voice to keep him strong. You are not alone we will talk to you here I pray your son will get through this will flds antibiotics and his mom there. Don't give up we are here with you now each day i pray he will become stronger and you will get stronger as well.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sandy, you couldnt have found a better place to find people that really do care and undertand your pain. We may not know you personally, but we do know you. Everyone here does or has felt the pain of depression or isolation or that no one is left to care about them. Please hun hang in there. You little one needs you. Put off using that good bye letter. And keep posting here instead. Keep talking to members here. Lean on us til your stronger. You and your son will be in my prayers. Drop a pm anytime Sandy.
  8. Zola

    Zola Antiquities Friend

    You're in the toughest possible situation for a human being: A child who may not make it. The poster who suggested that you spend as much time with your son was right. Those will make good memories when (and if!) he's gone. You may not get strength from your daily environment, but here on SF are many people who have a better idea what you're going through and will help you get through it one step at a time. Like many of the others, feel free to send me a "private message" ("pm") any time you want. And as soon as I can I'll be back to you.

    Hang in there,

  9. elpepo

    elpepo Active Member

    At the very least, hold on for as long as he lives.
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