Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NotThisLife, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    Well, that's it. I just cussed out my mom for no reason. The one person in this world who would do anything for me, and I treat her like hell. I don't deserve her, or this life. I lost everything that day, when I was convicted of a crime I did not commit. My car, my apartment, my job. Everything. Now I'm haunted everyday by the memories of sitting in the jail cell, knowing I was innocent. I did not deserve what happened to me, but my mom does not deserve the pain I am now causing her. I officially give up, this is as close to a suicide note I'll make, hopefully it doesn't get deleted. It would be nice if people read this and know, even if anonymously, that I hate myself for the way I treated her. Farewell my new friends, I wish you could have known me two years ago. I was proud of who I was then, and I was pleasant to talk to. Oh well, just know that I was innocent, and thanks to the US legal system and a vindictive ex boss my life will be over by the end of the day. It's sad, but I cannot continue on.... I will not. I refuse to feel this pain anymore
  2. Lex331

    Lex331 Member

    This is where I am supposed to plead for you to change your mind. But hearing your reasoning, it seems that you have already decided. Though I feel that I must point out that if your mother really is that person that stands by you and would do anything for you, I don't think cussing her out will change that. She knows your life is unbearable right now. That is a valid excuse for expressing it. You have decided though. I imagine you said goodbye and then logged off. But in case you didn't,

    Even though I never knew you, and never will, I will remember you as the person you were before circumstances out of your control changed you. To me you will never be the convict who makes his mother feel bad.
  3. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Maybe you need to work on making your mums life better? You'll probably say killing yourself would do, but I'm sure there's more positive things you could do.
  4. MiraWolf95

    MiraWolf95 Account Closed

    Ending it all would only make your mother the most upset she has ever been.
    Would you want your mother to go through that pain each day of you being gone?
    Why not just try to work things out with her?
    I know how hard times can be, but I'm just saying, ending it all doesn't have to be the answer.
    If you do change your mind, I do hope everything gets better.
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I am a mother who lost her son to suicide and I can tell you she would rather have you alive with you cussing her out than not have you at all...
    the pain and grief for her will be unbearable if you do this...her life will be over too...
    a mothers love is to her and find another solution..suicide is not the answer..
    see a doctor, get therapy, go to ER..
    I understand you've had a lot to deal with but it sounds like you care about your Mum a lot so go get some help before she has to suffer the worst thing ever in her life...the loss of her child...
  6. Swansong

    Swansong New Member

    We seem to have a lot in common. I too, have senselessly cursed the few people who've cared about me in life. I've spent months in jail on bogus charges as well. Also lost my job, have been homeless and feeling suicidal lately too, which is why I'm here.

    I hope you pull through this, and instead of killing yourself, call your mom to apologize and tell her you love her. It's the pain that makes us stupidly lash out at the ones we love, in our darkest hours. Hopefully your mother understands that. Hang on.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you love your mom well keep fighting then show her you would do anything to prevent her from suffering any more pain. my kid does same to me but i know it is because she knows i will love her unconditionally as will your mom.
  8. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    No matter what you have put your mother through.
    No matter how much you think you have hurt her.
    No pain, will ever amount to the pain she will feel by losing a child.
    Please remember that.
  9. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Don't hurt yourself over something that will pass away in a year or two. Life is constantly changing, and you will get past this terrible time. Things will get better. And you will have a new job again. Go and have a nice sleep, and do something good for yourself for the next week. This storm will pass.
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