Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Oct 25, 2006.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I wasn't able to stay here to long. I really wish I was stronger, able to get my life back on track. But that's not how it is.

    I might wait untill I'm through with my exam on friday, I don't know.

    Why is it so hard? I thought I was getting better, but I've never been worse.

    My former bestfriend promised to take me to a show if I managed to survive another year from last January, now he is telling me that I'm not worth it ... Like I didn't now that well enough. I guess it did help me see that I'm doing the right thing, that it won't be a wasted life.

    Thank you for reading this.
    I needed to get it out of my system, be sure that I have made the right choice. I know I have. I hate to just exist, and not be able to really live. Death is the best solution for me now.

    Take care, all of you!
  2. Andrew452

    Andrew452 Guest

    The line between existing and living is subjective and all depends on your frame of mind. While your still alive there is hope for happiness. Find what you need to make life worth living and don't worry about other peoples expectations. True friends accept you for who you are and although they are sometimes hard to find they are out there. It's a huge world and there is so much to do and experience. Maybe do something simple like try some food you have never tasted before, the little things sometimes help. Take it one day at a time and think about what you can do each day to make yourself happy. That's my plan anyway.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2006
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Rukia theres always hope, especially at your age (ya I know I hate to say that..but its true!). You need to go seek some treatment, get some support behind you. A few small steps and youll be amazed how fun youll come.

    Hang in there and get some help.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    and can i just say..ex boyfiriend is an arsehole!!!!
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I didnt see boyfriend mentioned..:tongue:
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Your ex-boy is no friend...when we are down and someone pushes us further, that is no one whose opinion we can value...please stay here with us and know that you will be a part of our cyber-family...we need ppl who would care about her exam at a time like this...I am the same way...give us a chance to show you how important you can be to us...stay safe and please PM me...big hugs, Jackie
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I'm still alive, and I'm done with my exam. Think I'll get at least B or maybe even A.
    But I'll never know. I'm ready to leave. Maybe tonight or tomorrow.

    The only hard part is to leave my friends. They are the greatest! I've told most of them that there is something wrong with me, and they where only supportive. But I can't lean on them. They don't deserve it. They might even leave me like my bestfriend did. He told me to never contact him again.

    I can understand him ofc. He had to live for both for 3 years. Now he's got a girlfriend, and need to use his energy on her. But I can't really understand why he hate me so much that he don't care if I die. Not that it would make any difference...

    I'm not able to live for myself, and there is no one in my life that I dare to live for. Can't live for friends, thats to complicated. And I'm not the kind of girl that boys want as a girlfriend... Only as a friend...

    I'm pretty exited about leaving. The only thing that worries me is that my friends and family will get hurt, and disappointed. They are my light in life, but it is sadly not enough. I'm doing this for myself, to get away from the pain.

    To see a professional is to late for me. I'm not really depressed anymore, but I can't see the point of living. I've been "gone" for to long. I needed help 5 years ago, but I was to scared to tell anyone. I didn't understand my feelings. Now I do, and I know that they are wrong.

    I hope that others can learn from my experience, that they get help in time. I really wish I did.

    Take care everyone!
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