Goodbye
- Thread starter cutiepie132
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I refused help, and he obviously thinks I am currently suicidal, and I very recently tried to kill myself, more than once, but I'm not going to do anything now. Not for another year or so. Haha. However, I may have stuck my foot in my mouth when I said if my family doesn't care then why should I, and walked away.
Can a doctor have you locked up if you refuse help?
Can a doctor have you locked up if you refuse help?
Yeah I know you did and you were feeling really ill afterwards,you feeling a bit brighter now? Obviously I'm in the uk so the mental health policy may well be different over there. In the uk you can be sectioned if they think you are a danger to yourself following a suicide attempt but that would happen straight after the attempt. Also you can be sectioned if your family are frightened your about to attempt it and they sign the papers,I would imagine it's similar over there but I'm not too sure.
Not sure of USA - but in the UK it takes 2 docs to sign you as being at imminent risk of suicide or harm - and its a good thing in many ways as sometimes we might just be unable to see beyond a suicide fixation - death-wish - or just wanting to end the pain as being bad.
But for the main part - if you know the system a little - you would know what level of behaviour was enough to get you hospitalised.
Your family - its that awkward age - no? And you being divorced/separated - you got that dynamic going on. I mean - its hard for a women to sometimes think that the kids are more interested in their dad - your ex - and that might play on you. but you raised them - the awkward years do entail kids being - not nasty to their mum (but be ever so careful) but perhaps taking her for granted. That changes as we get older - and for sure - your children would be devastated if you were not here.
Lets it face it - they would feel the same as you felt if they came to harm.
Trouble with saying you will give yourself X amount of time - is that saying that and thinking it always kinds of puts a shadow on everything else. Why bother doing anything - because in 2 years you'll do for yourself.
I can see the logic - and sure - most of us say we will take it day by day - so seeing 2 years is a good thing but perhaps putting some goals in there would make it more than just a suicide to look forward to!
Don't think I'm being offhand here - or demeaning suicide and whatnot - I'm like you in many ways - not just someone saying it to be saying it.
Anyhow cutiepie - you really can be one with regards to your warmth and compassion for others. Like many with depression you are predisposed towards helping others - but need to take care that you do not carry too much of this darkness on behalf of others.
Carry my darkness! lol - It would make your head explode - and I just assume everyone here - if wired up to my brain - would instantly just lose it.
But I'm a guru - I get zen-like at times - even convince myself to hang on and its 30 plus years so I'm doing something right.
But I'm always looking for more tips!
But for the main part - if you know the system a little - you would know what level of behaviour was enough to get you hospitalised.
Your family - its that awkward age - no? And you being divorced/separated - you got that dynamic going on. I mean - its hard for a women to sometimes think that the kids are more interested in their dad - your ex - and that might play on you. but you raised them - the awkward years do entail kids being - not nasty to their mum (but be ever so careful) but perhaps taking her for granted. That changes as we get older - and for sure - your children would be devastated if you were not here.
Lets it face it - they would feel the same as you felt if they came to harm.
Trouble with saying you will give yourself X amount of time - is that saying that and thinking it always kinds of puts a shadow on everything else. Why bother doing anything - because in 2 years you'll do for yourself.
I can see the logic - and sure - most of us say we will take it day by day - so seeing 2 years is a good thing but perhaps putting some goals in there would make it more than just a suicide to look forward to!
Don't think I'm being offhand here - or demeaning suicide and whatnot - I'm like you in many ways - not just someone saying it to be saying it.
Anyhow cutiepie - you really can be one with regards to your warmth and compassion for others. Like many with depression you are predisposed towards helping others - but need to take care that you do not carry too much of this darkness on behalf of others.
Carry my darkness! lol - It would make your head explode - and I just assume everyone here - if wired up to my brain - would instantly just lose it.
But I'm a guru - I get zen-like at times - even convince myself to hang on and its 30 plus years so I'm doing something right.
But I'm always looking for more tips!
Hey guys, I found these comments on anxiety really useful. Thank you. I have been through three serious episodes during the past two years and seem to be in the middle of one now. It just stops me from doing anything...don't want to go out and yet terrified of staying in all day on my own. Don't want company and yet terrified of being alone. Have mild panic when the phone rings and my thoughts start spinning about someone phoning with bad news, etc.
Anyway, I am coping for now...just. Thanks again.
Anyway, I am coping for now...just. Thanks again.
I want to see my daughter get her diploma, a car, a job, a place to live, and know she's going to be happy. That is all I want to wait on. I also love both my kids very much and I have to give my medications a chance to work before I tell life it can go FK one.
You can feed it to me that they care about me all you want, doesn't mean it's true.
You can feed it to me that they care about me all you want, doesn't mean it's true.
Hugs to both of you! :hug:My suicide thoughts are returning, i want to drink and then overdose, however I am not going to. What's the point really, not like it ever works.
<i'm sad>
I wish I could rewind the past couple of weeks and take all that back.
I hate myself again.. My daughter is 100% right when she says I am worthless and that my life is meaningless.
I don't want to be me anymore..
I am a complete failure. I know it wasn't my fault I got sick, but I should have tried harder, yet I did nothing but cry ass about everything.
<i'm sad>
I wish I could rewind the past couple of weeks and take all that back.
I hate myself again.. My daughter is 100% right when she says I am worthless and that my life is meaningless.
I don't want to be me anymore..
I am a complete failure. I know it wasn't my fault I got sick, but I should have tried harder, yet I did nothing but cry ass about everything.
Overdosing works if you truly want it to but I'm not convinced you want to. Earlier today you were talking about the future and the things you wanna be around for. I'm sure your daughter didn't mean it,we all say hurtful things to the people closest to us at some point but because your so down you tend to dwell on it.And yeah I'm sure we'd all that we should or could have tried harder to overcome things and get well but that's the nature of the beast.we get sick,feel like crap about ourselves and then we are already starting from a losing position.Your not useless or your life meaningless,as long as your heart beats your fighting,every day you wake up it's to battle through another day! Your a fighter and your stronger than you might think xx
Hey
I'm just reading your post now. I know we have chatted but I didn't have the details. I'm sorry I wasn't well enough to read posts.
The doc was obviously incompetent...grrr..
But you have helped me ...that is true. You are definitely not worthless and although this forum does not allow you to see us irl we are real and care and I would be upset to lose you. I truly would.
I am worried about you though...kidney damage etc. I"m scared.
Can you have someone else check you out?
I'm not in the U.S. so I don't know what to suggest but I just want you to be okay.
I'm just reading your post now. I know we have chatted but I didn't have the details. I'm sorry I wasn't well enough to read posts.
The doc was obviously incompetent...grrr..
But you have helped me ...that is true. You are definitely not worthless and although this forum does not allow you to see us irl we are real and care and I would be upset to lose you. I truly would.
I am worried about you though...kidney damage etc. I"m scared.
Can you have someone else check you out?
I'm not in the U.S. so I don't know what to suggest but I just want you to be okay.
Hi Cutiepie, I share a lot of the same feelings that you do. Up until about a year ago, I loved who I was, but due to certain things happening, now I just don't want to be me anymore either. I wish I was anyone but myself. You say you wish you could rewind things; I totally feel the same way. Oftentimes, I'll see a movie or a music video from a certain year and I'll say to myself: God, I would give anything for it to be that year right now, because during that year, my life was happy and normal.
Don't worry too much about what your daughter said to you; oftentimes we all have a tendency to lash out at the ones we love whenever we are depressed. I think that's because we know that these people will be there for us no matter what, so we don't need to watch what we say around them. I couldn't say the stuff around my friends that I say around my family because my friends would then desert me and I know that my family wouldn't. I'm sure your daughter didn't mean it and I'm sure she loves you very much. I don't know how old your daughter is but at certain ages children tend to be rambunctious and say lots of rebellious things that they don't mean.
Anyway, we are probably all going through indescribable levels of depression (I sure as hell am), but we are all here for you, and feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
Don't worry too much about what your daughter said to you; oftentimes we all have a tendency to lash out at the ones we love whenever we are depressed. I think that's because we know that these people will be there for us no matter what, so we don't need to watch what we say around them. I couldn't say the stuff around my friends that I say around my family because my friends would then desert me and I know that my family wouldn't. I'm sure your daughter didn't mean it and I'm sure she loves you very much. I don't know how old your daughter is but at certain ages children tend to be rambunctious and say lots of rebellious things that they don't mean.
Anyway, we are probably all going through indescribable levels of depression (I sure as hell am), but we are all here for you, and feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
You have to keep in mind that I didn't tell the doctor that I tried killing myself that morning, so that was my fault, huh..
If I wanted checked out, I would have asked my doctor to do it yesterday. I don't give a damn what happens anymore.
And I do apprieciate you all caring, and trying to help, but I am beyond the point of help. My life was FKD from the beginning.
I doubt god himself even loves this peice of shit.
If I wanted checked out, I would have asked my doctor to do it yesterday. I don't give a damn what happens anymore.
And I do apprieciate you all caring, and trying to help, but I am beyond the point of help. My life was FKD from the beginning.
I doubt god himself even loves this peice of shit.
I am not lashing out at anyone. I love them and I have been good to them, and I tried, though trying wasn't ever good enough. My kids aren't depressed. They grew up feeling like mommy was a failure, and they've always resented me for being sick.
I guess I am disgusted at how I've been treated. I cried for help. I told my family I needed to go to the hospital. I told them if they didn't let me, that they would probably have to end up calling 911 on me anyways, for it would be inevitable. Yet, no one could be kind enough to just shut their mouth and let me go.
I could just lay here and kill myself. And not one damn person in this world would do a damn thing to stop me. Yes that really does alot for the heart. Gotta tell ya. It gives me all the reason in the world to want to wake up and live.
I guess I am disgusted at how I've been treated. I cried for help. I told my family I needed to go to the hospital. I told them if they didn't let me, that they would probably have to end up calling 911 on me anyways, for it would be inevitable. Yet, no one could be kind enough to just shut their mouth and let me go.
I could just lay here and kill myself. And not one damn person in this world would do a damn thing to stop me. Yes that really does alot for the heart. Gotta tell ya. It gives me all the reason in the world to want to wake up and live.
no, it's not your fault that you didn't tell the doc. I wish they would
have done more to help...more questions...whatever you needed/need now.
I don't believe you are a failure at all. if you've been sick you've been sick and that's not a failure.
sorry if your kids and family are treating you like this it's on them...I truly believe that.
I think people feel that their kids and family should be a certain way...meaning supportive and loving....and they should but it's not always the case. They make their own decisions from whatever thoughts or influences they have themselves...it's on them. If they are being heartless..it's on them and not you. It doesn't mean you are worthless or a failure...it means they are being insensitive...Sorry but it does. There are ways for them to be supportive and still express disappointment at things.
If there were things in their childhood they wish could have been different well wel all do....You still have to respect people...especially when you know they are not well and especially when you know they have always loved you more than anything...which I read in your posts.
So I am disappointed in them...anyone that doesn't support you. It's not constructive but even more damaging to you and it's simply unkind and I don't like it.
Please don't take this as me picking on anyone. It's just the way I feel. People can suck things up to help someone no matter how long it takes. You can express feeling without lashing out and being hurtful.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this but please stick around.
We want you here.
have done more to help...more questions...whatever you needed/need now.
I don't believe you are a failure at all. if you've been sick you've been sick and that's not a failure.
sorry if your kids and family are treating you like this it's on them...I truly believe that.
I think people feel that their kids and family should be a certain way...meaning supportive and loving....and they should but it's not always the case. They make their own decisions from whatever thoughts or influences they have themselves...it's on them. If they are being heartless..it's on them and not you. It doesn't mean you are worthless or a failure...it means they are being insensitive...Sorry but it does. There are ways for them to be supportive and still express disappointment at things.
If there were things in their childhood they wish could have been different well wel all do....You still have to respect people...especially when you know they are not well and especially when you know they have always loved you more than anything...which I read in your posts.
So I am disappointed in them...anyone that doesn't support you. It's not constructive but even more damaging to you and it's simply unkind and I don't like it.
Please don't take this as me picking on anyone. It's just the way I feel. People can suck things up to help someone no matter how long it takes. You can express feeling without lashing out and being hurtful.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this but please stick around.
We want you here.
Well your right, just because people say shit about you doesn't mean it's so. But in my case... I have failed...
My kids may end up losing their mother from self-harm.
They were taken care of growing up, but it was never in the way they wanted. Everything changed after I got sick.
My daughter had phobia about switching to middle school so I homeschooled her to keep her from being locked away, did I do a good job at it, no, if I could just see this kid get her GED and know her future is going to be okay, maybe.. just maybe, I wouldn't feel like such a pc of shit..
But then again, I don't even know if I can hang on that long.
I know I am pathetic, no one needs to keep reminding me of that.
My kids deserved so much more than this.
My kids may end up losing their mother from self-harm.
They were taken care of growing up, but it was never in the way they wanted. Everything changed after I got sick.
My daughter had phobia about switching to middle school so I homeschooled her to keep her from being locked away, did I do a good job at it, no, if I could just see this kid get her GED and know her future is going to be okay, maybe.. just maybe, I wouldn't feel like such a pc of shit..
But then again, I don't even know if I can hang on that long.
I know I am pathetic, no one needs to keep reminding me of that.
My kids deserved so much more than this.
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