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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by passionatex, Jan 31, 2010.

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  1. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    okay so i dont really know where to start!! ive been suffering from depression since i was around 14-15! it hasnt been an easy life & i have been through more than what most people would have been through in a lifetime! basically to sum things up, i wish i was dead! ive tried(& failed) so many times! & i know it sounds selfish, but i just cant cope with life as it is!!! even though i dont necesarilly want to die, i sometimes get the urge to do thing i wouldnt normally do! ive been in intensive care for 3 days because of a failed suicide attempt & it wasnt very pleasant! so anyone thinking of taking an overdose i would say DONT DO IT !!!!! its not nice at all!

    all of my life i have felt that i just want to do something worthwhile! but i constantly feel as tho im getting nowhere fast! & its heartbreaking!

    i love my family & friends but i just feel as though this is the end for me!

    so i just wanted to say my final goodbyes! & i didnt want to leave without saying how i felt & i hope one day people will undertand y i done what i have done!

    a life full of regret, tragedy, heartbreak & hopelessness is no life living at all!

    night night everyoneeee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Are you here? What has gotten you to this point of no hope and have you truly run out of options as there are many ya know?

    Why don't you stay a spell and see if we can't work through all this..after all you have your SF family that are quite good at this path through the darkness of hopelessness and pain.

    Please tell us more...

    :arms: Bambi
  3. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    i have already done what i wanted to do !

    ive learned from previous experiences! (i ended up in intensive care in a medically induced coma for 3 days)

    i know how to do it this time! & im sure its what i want !

    the doc wont help me, no-one will!

    its definatley the best option!!

    its just a case of waiting now! & im ready for it x

    thank you for trying to help

    goodnight xxxxx
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I was in a coma for 3 days too, seems that is the typically timeframe for the body to process an OD. My heart stopped three times and sometimes wish they had never restarted it but today sitting here replying to you I am glad I am here.

    It is nice to see you have tried so many options as many just want to give up without a fight and frankly I don't understand that as I fight with all might to be happy, some days I lose I confess but I get back up and try again.

    Well it seems to me a part of you still wants to live and is reaching out right now looking for a spark of hope..what do you think?
  5. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    i think not! i have taken all the painkilers i have in the house! which is quite gd because i suffer from calcaneonavicular coalition so i have many painkillers!

    but to wake up & find out you have been on life support for 3 days is quite distressing! bt nowun ever undertood y i done it & y i wished i had never woken up

    im starting to feel really drowsy & cold and im actualy relieved tbh!!

    i cant wait to get out of here !!!!!!!!!

    as far as im concerned this is the begining for me !

  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    It is my sincerest hope that the part of you, however small and hidden, that desires to live happy acts now and calls yourself some help. This is not the answer..to invoke an old cliche, old but true, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I am living proof as I thought for certain things would never change and there are others here to that share my view with stories more tragic than yours or mine,

    Please call for help so that you may live and live happy.
  7. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    i am not going to call for help! this is what i want, i have a sense of relief & it feels gd!

    i just hope my family understand one day, that i dont mean to be selfish, its just something i need to do!

    i cant go on in life! that is why i have decided to end it !

    a part of me whishes there was someone to stop me! but since my doc doesnt want to know, i guess there is nowun else i can turn to!

    there is no turning back now & there is no way i am foning the emergency services!!!

    what happens, happens!!!!
  8. hokey pokey

    hokey pokey Member

    a part of me whishes there was someone to stop me!

    This tells me that you don't really want to die, you just want things to get better. Things CAN get better, but not if you are dead.
  9. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    you are right i dont want to die!

    not really! BUT i frequently get the urge to just get it over and done with ( so to speak )

    and now that ive taken the pills theres no going back!!!!

    to be honest i do want life to be over, but i do love certain people so much that i dont want them to have to go throught the heartbreak of losing someone close to them!

    there is no one in this moment in time to stop me! & because in the UK it is 4 oclock in the morning, it makes it easier to know that the job will be done properly without anyone knowing!

    if my doc had taken my seriously! or anyone else for that matter. maybe i wouldnt be in this situation, but hey i suppose some people dont really care???

    i have been through more than most people would go through in a lifetime & i have never been able to cope with my feelings! therefore im glad its going to be over soon, no one should ever have to feel this way ! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  10. hokey pokey

    hokey pokey Member

    Well, I hope you'll forgive me for saying so, but I hope this turns out to be another failed attempt. No one can make your situation better other than you. But, you have to be willing to put forth the effort to make things better in spite of your circumstances. Suicide is never the right choice.
  11. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    suicide, for me, definatley is the right choice!

    dont get me wrong! its an awful way to go! I KNOW!

    but i have no other option!

    im really starting to feel the effects drastically now!

    just trying to stay awake to talk to you is such an effort!

    i just want to be able to say things to my family before i go! things that need to be said!

    i really think this is it! i feel the way i felt when i had a seizure from the last suicide attempt, only a million times worse!

    i just want to be forgiven for this & i want my family to live on

    i cant get the help i need! even if it is involuntarily lol !!

    goodnight xxxxxxxxxx
  12. Evixen

    Evixen SF Veteran

    I hope you do call EMS.
  13. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Isure hope you see that you are cared for and that we don't wish for your life to end ...there is hope why don't you reconsider ..what if your wrong...what if the answer is right around the corner..it was for me and I almost missed it by committing ...
  14. hokey pokey

    hokey pokey Member

    Of course you have another option. LIVE!! Fight to make your life into something you enjoy and are proud of. You are worth it!
  15. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    i cant phone ems! this is what i want, i think!

    & i feel it happening its definatley to late to call 999, im in no firt statie11!!!!!!!!!
  16. Evixen

    Evixen SF Veteran

    If you are saying you only think this is what you want then you probably do not really want to die.

    Text someone. Tell them you need them to call EMS if you can't do it yourself. Do something. Your life is worth more than just giving up.
  17. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree...call!!!!! YOU are worth it.
  18. passionatex

    passionatex Member

    no im not!

    this is my last post!

    i wish you both a bright future!

    goodnight xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  19. Evixen

    Evixen SF Veteran

    You really are worth it and I wish you would call someone for help... What about your family?
  20. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I just said a prayer for you. Please call for the help you need right now. When you get home from the hospital, keep coming back here to post. You will find a way to have a better life. That is what we fight for.
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