Gosh things just go from good to bad to worse and back again. Im sick of all of this......Worst thing is my best friends planning to run away ... and he wont tell me where to ... I dont even know if hes planning on coming back...Hes the only one who can save me when I get down and Ive been down lately and he cant run away because if he does who will save me then....I dont even feel like myself at the moment Ive lost my grip on reality.....I dont even know whats going on....I found myself spinning around in the shower slicing at my wrists, spreading the blood over myself and laughing......Its just not something I would normally do.....Normally I would feel bad when I was doing it but I felt so completely elated it was fucked up and I dont know whats going on and I wish somehow I just knew what was real and what was not Im just waiting to wake up .... but Im afraid I never will.....