Got a better perspective?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Vertigo, Sep 19, 2011.

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  1. Vertigo

    Vertigo Member

    Here I am.

    I'm exhausted by severe, treatment resistant depresssion.

    I've tried all kinds of antidepressants for nearly 10 years. Nothing works.

    Now I'm on Ritalin only it doesn't seem to be working either.

    For a few weeks now I've gone from compulsive cutting to ready to end my life since there doesn't seem to be a solution to this.

    How do I find hope in this?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    it is hard i know hun but dam each day a new drug comes out that drug may be the one that works hun I hope you are getting some therapy as well hun say meds with therapy together helps most hugs
     
  3. Vertigo

    Vertigo Member

    Yeah, I am doing therapy too. Along with Abilify, Pristiq, and the ritalin

    Right now I've got a short term job away from home so I can't meet with my therapist. The job will get me a bit of money and it's one that allows me to sort of pretend I'm working even on days I'm barely functional.

    It just doesn't seem anything will ever get better. And I know that's what people say, but in all this time it hasn't really. Now I'm too tired to keep hanging on.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I went on wellbutrin sr it has been only medication that helps the dopamine levels in the brain very little side effects and easy to wean on and off maybe as your doc about this med okay hugs
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm on the max dose of Effxor and geodon for my depression.. I'm on s lough of other meds also for other problems..But I have found the high dose of effexor helps..She just changed my med for mood swings,,I hope you find the right combination..
     
  6. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    I have been on SSRIs, SNRIs and other things. Now I am on Emsam, an MAOI which is an older drugs. It appears to be working. You might consider something like that. There are so many drugs out there that you could try.
     
  7. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    That's a long time to deal with severe depression.. So sorry.. I think we have control over our minds, and depression can get in the way of realizing that. I went through severe depression for 6 yrs, got to the point that I had enough, but I didn't direct that at wanting to end my life, I told myself this shit is going to stop, I'm sick of it, I have the power to change the way I feel, this is my mind, and I am getting it back. And believe me, that is exactly what I did.. That might sound like hogwash but it's true..

    There is a medication out, of course, I can't think of the name of it, that is supposed to make antidepressants more effective. Might ask your doctor about it. Sorry I can't think of what it is..

    Don't give in to the feelings of self harm. Ask for help when you need it. You start treating yourself a bit better than that, you may succeed at feeling better. Try to think more positive about things too, I know that's a hard one, but still try it. :hugtackles:
     
  8. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Managing depression through therapy and lifestyle (exercise, nutrients, sleep hygiene, informal meditation) has always helped my depressions better than medication. I try to stay on top of the thinking or issues that injure me emotionally and lead to another downturn. I am so used to behavior modification techniques for managing my OCD and much of it crosses over in dealing with generalized anxiety and depression.
     
  9. Vertigo

    Vertigo Member

    This is where I am. To a friend:

    This has been another especially bad day and I've just realised that with as long as I've been struggling with the depression and the fact that none of my meds have worked, I see that suicide is not only inevitable but imminent. I cannot keep fighting this. It has worn me out. I tried for family and other loved ones. I tried because it seems to open doors for others to choose the same solution. I tried because I wanted to be some sort of benefit to my family.

    I'm only focused on getting to the end of this time at work (2 weeks more) so I can burn it out of my brain. The new meds didn't work so all I can hope now is that I control compulsion and that the ECT fixes my mind.

    If I don't make it that long, I hope that everyone understands that I really loved you all so much and really tried very hard to survive.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2011
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